Choices To Live With
by Tainted Wicked
Summary: Severus Snape and Sirius Black compete for Remus Lupin's affections. After Snape gains the upper hand in an underhanded way, Remus makes his choice -- and now will have to live with it. WARNING: MPreg, slash, no explicit content. Complete in 5 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"Remus!"

Lupin looked up from his books. "Yes, Sirius?"

"I got them!" Black waved two colorful squares of parchment in front of Lupin's face as he collapsed into a chair. "Tickets to that opera you said you're dying to see."

Lupin made an uncharacteristically eager grab for the tickets. "You're joking."

Black pulled his hand away in time. "No. Balcony seats. Only the best for my Moony. You wouldn't believe what it takes to get tickets to a Saturday night show."

Lupin frowned slightly. "Saturday? I... Sirius, I made plans for Saturday."

Black raised an eyebrow. "What plans are more important than this? You've wanted to go for months. I'm sure you can reschedule whatever it is."

Lupin continued to frown, but Black got up, walked around the table, put his arms around Lupin's neck, and leaned close. "You know you want it, Moony. Reschedule. You won't regret it." Slipping the tickets into the pocket of Lupin's robes, Black kissed him lightly on the cheek and straightened up. "I have a class to teach. I'll see you."

"Yes," Lupin said distractedly. "See you."

With a wave, Black sauntered off down the isle, ignoring Pince's hissed warning to stop his off-tune humming.

Lupin fished the tickets out of his pocket and stared at them. Finally, with a heavy sigh, he gathered up his things and headed toward the doors.

Behind the Muggle Studies bookshelf, Severus slowly uncurled his tightly clenched fists, gritting his teeth against the sharp pain.

* * *

"Severus?"

After a moment, Snape's voice came from inside the cupboard at the other end of the room. "In here, Lupin."

Remus felt a shiver run down his back. He wasn't looking forward to this. "Could we talk?"

"Talk," came the terse reply. Snape still didn't appear, and Remus couldn't see him through the half-open cupboard door.

"I-I'm afraid I have to cancel our dinner this Saturday. Something's come up. I'm very sorry, and I hope we can reschedule."

"Fine."

Remus came forward slowly, peering into storage room. "Severus? Are you sure?"

Snape pushed the door open, startling him. "I said, fine. I understand things will come up."

Remus was far from reassured. Snape was never this reasonable, especially not about something like a canceled dinner date. "Would Sunday night be all right with you? I will clear my schedule."

Snape regarded him with a cold, calculated look. "Friday would be better. I have to attend a conference on Sunday, and it may run late."

Remus swallowed. He wasn't sure, but he thought Snape probably knew Sirius was taking Remus, Harry, and Ron to a Muggle cinema that Friday. "Er... Yes. Of course. Friday will be fine."

He would deal with Sirius later, somehow.

Snape nodded, and there was a hint of a self-satisfied smirk around his mouth. "Very well. Seven o'clock sharp, my quarters."

Remus forced a smile. "Wonderful. I'm glad that's settled."

Snape saw him to the door, holding it open for him. "Will I see you at the staff meeting tonight?"

"No. I have a lot of work to finish, and since I'm not teaching, I thought that should be my priority."

"In that case, I wish you good night," Snape said, starting to close the door.

"Good night, Severus."

The door shut, leaving Remus alone in the empty dungeon corridor. He closed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, wishing conversations with Snape didn't exhaust him so.

In all, he thought it had gone quite well. Now all he had to do was explain to Sirius why he had to back out of their Friday outing.

If he didn't know better, he would have thought Snape knew why he had canceled their date.

* * *

Severus paced in front of the fireplace, waiting impatiently for Lupin's arrival.

Candles lit the room, and the table was set for two. A bright fire kept the room comfortably warm. A three course meal had been specially prepared by Severus' personal house-elf. Everything was ready.

A timid knock on the door signaled his date's arrival. Snape waited to the count of four before going to answer it. No reason to seem overly eager, after all.

Lupin was dressed in what Severus understood to be his best robes; shabby, faded brown material with patches on the elbows that didn't quite match.

"Am I early?"

"Right on time," Severus said, showing him into the dining room. He pulled out a chair. "Sit down."

Lupin sat down, looking slightly uncomfortable, as he usually did. This was hardly their first dinner together. They'd had two dozen dates, most in the form of dinner in Severus' quarters. Despite this, Lupin never lost his anxious look.

Severus turned away, as much to hide a tight smile as to serve the first course. Lupin was always eager to please; a trait Severus saw as a character flaw in anyone else. "Wine?"

"Yes, please," Lupin said, holding up his glass.

Severus poured it, then set the bottle down, almost unconsciously turning it so Lupin would be able to see the date on the label. Only the best for --

"Is something wrong?" Lupin asked, obviously catching the sudden scowl that Severus had allowed to slip.

"No," Severus said, carefully removing all traces of emotion from his face. "I merely recalled Longbottom's performance in my class today."

"Hmm," Remus murmured. "Odd thing to recall."

"Clearly, you have no idea what a mess Longbottom is capable of creating when given the proper instruments."

Lupin frowned, and Severus wished he hadn't brought up Longbottom at all. Why Lupin had to make a pet of the bumbling boy, he couldn't imagine.

They ate in silence for a while. A few times, Lupin appeared about to speak, then thought better of it and dropped his gaze.

"How is your research coming along?" Severus asked finally. Work-related conversations were generally safest.

"It's coming alone fine. I have only one more tome to check before I'm ready to proceed."

"We can look forward to having Hogwarts back in order, then," Severus said with an approving nod.

Lupin smiled weakly. "You have that much confidence in me?"

"Of course," Severus said. "You have proven yourself capable."

Lupin seemed a bit shocked by the praise, and Severus wondered if he'd gone too quickly. Black had a way of poisoning Lupin's mind against him, and Lupin had spent far too much time with the mutt lately. It had a way of undoing any progress Severus made.

Then Lupin smiled. "Thank you. It's nice to have someone so certain of my success. There have been moments when I doubted myself."

Severus bit back a comment about the company Lupin was keeping. "You allow your work to be under-appreciated, in my opinion," he said instead. "If it were not for you, we would be locked out of the Great Hall to this day. There's no need to worry yourself over a few classrooms and storage cupboards. I hope you haven't been overexerting yourself?"

"Not at all. I enjoy the challenge, really."

Severus nodded. Lupin was so like himself, enjoying long hours of research and trial-and-error experimentation. For Lupin, charms and spells held as much interest as potions did for Severus. The year they had spent working closely together had convinced Severus that Lupin would make a fine partner for him.

If only Black hadn't turned up to foul up his plans, Lupin would be his already.

Severus forced a smile and poured Lupin more wine. Black could try, but he wasn't going to win Lupin's affections. Neither would he chase Severus off. Not again. This time Severus would not give Lupin up.

* * *

"Come on, Sirius, where are you taking us?" Harry asked impatiently, tugging on Sirius' sleeve.

Sirius shook his head, hair flying. "No. Won't tell. It's a surprise."

"Remus?"

Remus shrugged helplessly. "I'm just as much in the dark as you are, Harry."

Sirius grinned and grabbed both of their hands. "Come on you two. Only a bit farther."

They came to the end of the lane, and Sirius unlatched a gate. "This way."

He led them through a rather neglected garden, up a cobblestone path, and finally up the steps of a large, newly painted house. There he stopped, and with a flourish produced a large brass key.

"What are you up to, Sirius?" Remus asked. "Did you rent this house for the summer?"

Sirius shook his head, grinning widely again. "Bought it."

Harry's jaw dropped. "You mean, it's ours?"

Sirius caught him up in a fierce hug. "I got it the same day I got these --" He pulled an official looking envelope out of his pocket. "The Ministry is giving you to me, Harry. You don't have to go back to the Dursleys."

Remus fell back a step, stunned by Sirius' announcement. Just a month ago their legal advisor had told them it wouldn't be possible. Harry was needed for the trials, and the Dursleys kept him safer than Ministry officials thought Sirius could.

"Remus? What do you think? Isn't it brilliant?"

Remus nodded, still feeling numb. "Wonderful, Sirius. I'm so happy for you."

Sirius laughed and pulled him into an affectionate hug. "Be happy for yourself, too, you dolt. This is going to be your home from now on."

Remus blinked. "What?"

"You didn't think I was going to let you starve on the streets, did you?"

"I'm hardly starving on the streets."

"Hogwarts is not a home," Sirius said stubbornly. "This is."

Remus pursed his lips.

"Harry," Sirius said, turning to the boy, who was peering into the house through the glass panels on either side of the door. "Why don't you go on in? I left something for you in the front room."

Harry disappeared inside, and Sirius pushed the door shut. "Look, Remus. I know this is moving a bit fast. I know there's not a lot between us right now, despite my best efforts. But I want you. I've been saying so for Merlin knows how long. You have to make up your mind."

Remus shook his head slowly. "I --"

"Shh," Sirius said, putting a finger to Remus' lips. "Don't say anything now. Just come in and see the house. Look at everything I'm offering you. A home. A real home. With me. And Harry. Just come and see."

Remus let out the breath he'd been holding. "All right. Let's have a look."

Sirius grinned triumphantly, and turned to open the door.

Remus, sighing in resignation, followed him inside.

"I know you love to cook," Sirius said, leading him into the kitchen. "Look at this. A place for everything. We could feed an army. Hey -- we could feed Dumbledore's Army!"

Remus looked appreciatively around the large, sunny kitchen. He did love to cook, and neither the shack he used to call come -- before the Ministry took that away from him, too -- or Hogwarts offered him the opportunity.

"There's enough room out back to hold Quidditch games," Sirius continued, pushing aside the curtains and pointing out the window. "And have a garden. I know you used to grow a lot of your own herbs."

Remus followed him to the front room.

"It's not hooked up to the network yet," Sirius said, motioning toward the fireplace. "Come upstairs and see the bedrooms." Then he raised his voice. "Harry! Where'd you go?"

Harry came thundering down the staircase. "This is great, Sirius! Just brilliant!"

"You found it, then?"

Harry nodded. He turned to Remus. "My room has a secret passage!"

"It ends here, behind that bookcase," Sirius said, walking over to it and pressing a knot in the wood to show how the shelves swung aside to reveal a narrow corridor.

"And Sirius made a map of the house," Harry added. "Is it all mine, Sirius?"

"All yours. Have you seen the garden yet?"

Harry ran off, and Sirius ushered Remus upstairs.

"This is Harry's room. Has a nice view of the river."

Remus peered in. Clearly, Sirius had done a lot to make the room welcoming. Everything was Gryffindor red and gold.

"This is going to be mine," Sirius said, leading him to a room across the hall.

Remus pressed his lips together. He wished Sirius hadn't done this.

The room was nothing like what Sirius himself would have liked. Bookshelves lined the walls. The lights were oil lamps, not torches, because while Sirius preferred torches, Remus found it hard to read by flickering light. The bed was piled high with soft bedding, despite Sirius' preference for a firm mattress. In short, Sirius meant this to be Remus' dream bedroom.

And it was.

The more Remus looked around, the more he could imagine himself reading in one of the comfortable leather armchairs by the fire, or watching Harry practice Quidditch from the wide window-seat, or sipping tea in bed --

"You love it, don't you?"

Remus drew in a breath. He didn't want to argue with Sirius, and he didn't want to hurt him. Sirius did love him, even if Remus knew the love wasn't the sort you could build a life on. "The room is beautiful, Sirius."

"I knew you'd think so. Now tell me, wouldn't you rather have all this --" Sirius gestured around the room. "Instead of grimy, dank dungeons, infested with rats and snakes and --"

"No rats, Sirius," Remus said softly.

"That just goes to show you even rats are smarter than to live there."

"I don't want to fight with you."

At that moment, Harry came running in, and Sirius' scowl disappeared behind a forced smile.

Remus took one last look around the bedroom before following the two downstairs.

Sirius' offer was tempting. It had been tempting back in their school days, as well, but back then Remus had chosen to remain solitary. That option was no longer available. With no home and no work, Remus was reliant on charity for his very existence.

It was not an easy choice to be faced with.

On the one hand, Sirius offered him the sort of life Remus had only dreamed of. He would have everything, and live surrounded by friends. If he hadn't known Sirius as well as he did, Remus would have chosen him on the spot.

Sirius preferred women. Which was not to say he didn't like men as well, but Remus didn't think Sirius would be happy spending his life with a man, even if it was his best friend. It would always be an issue between them, and Sirius would always miss what he couldn't have. Remus couldn't allow him to do it, knowing what would happen. Eventually, Sirius would grow to resent him, but by then it would be too late; wizard marital vows could not be broken.

But what if Remus rejected him? Sirius had Harry, after all. Remus didn't know if he could stand losing them both.

On the other hand, there was his relationship with Snape, which had only just begun to blossom when Sirius' return set it back so far. Snape offered none of the comforts and material possessions. Rigidly pragmatic, Snape owned only what he needed, lived simply, and frowned on any sort of merrymaking. Remus' love of the arts, opera, and Muggle cinema and music would be stifled.

But Snape could make Wolfsbane. Though he had never held it over Remus' head, Remus couldn't help but be uneasy about Snape's potential reaction to rejection. Dumbledore was no longer around to force Snape's compliance, and Remus' health was shaky at best these days.

And Snape could love him, potentially. Sometimes Remus thought he might be the only one Snape had ever truly come close to loving, besides Lily. It had been so in their school days, and it was so now. Snape had no reason to open himself up to possible hurt, and yet he did, even in the face of opposition as formidable as Sirius Black's intention of having Remus for himself.

Remus shook his head to clear away the thoughts. Whatever he decided, there would be repercussions. Neither could he continue as he was, taking no sides and making no decision. Leading both men on would only cause more problems in the end.

Remus stopped in front of the heavy oak door and knocked lightly.

"Come in, Remus," Sirius called from inside. "I left it open."

Remus entered and looked around curiously. The last time he'd seen Sirius' office, it was a mess of half-unpacked crates and boxes. Now it was neat as a pin. "Cleared it out, have you?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a slob, Remus. A place for everything, and everything in it's place, that's my motto."

Remus tried not to laugh. Did Sirius know how comical that was, coming from him? "I think it's great you managed to get organized. That woman left a loathsome mess. Now, what did you want to see me about?"

Sirius coughed slightly and averted his eyes. "Just wondered how your date with Snape went."

Remus crossed his arms over his chest. "It was fine. Is there some reason you wish to know?"

"Just looking out for my Moony," Sirius said, still not looking at him.

"Really, Sirius. I can manage my own affairs."

Sirius coughed derisively, and Remus wished he had chosen his words with more care. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Is there anything else?"

Sirius shrugged. "Would it help to ask you not to see him again? The git threw me the ugliest sneer over breakfast this morning."

"No."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, Remus. Only don't see him just to show me you can."

"That would never be my reason for doing anything."

"Then why?" Sirius demanded. "You can't possibly enjoy it!"

"I do."

Sirius stared at him, a scowl creeping over his face. "Explain it to me."

Remus exhaled in frustration. Explaining wouldn't do any good, he knew. "We have a lot in common."

Sirius snorted. "Is that so?"

"We both enjoy reading and research. We're both focused on our work."

"All work and no fun, sounds like," Sirius said. "I know you're not that boring, Remus. You like your fun."

"But not all the time," Remus said. "I need someone I can have a decent, intelligent conversation with, Sirius. I can't talk about nothing but Quidditch."

Sirius looked hurt, and Remus was mildly sorry for losing his cool. Sirius might know nothing about the classics, and his conversations did turn to Quidditch too often for Remus' taste, but Remus enjoyed them nonetheless.

"Look," he said, shaking his head slightly. "We had something in school, and it didn't work out because I chose to listen to my friends rather than follow my own heart. Now I'm getting a second chance. Maybe it's not perfect, and maybe we are both different now, but this time I plan to give it a chance to develop."

"You're mad, Remus," Sirius said, leaving his seat and crossing the room to the window. "I can't believe you're even considering it."

Remus said nothing. A full minute passed in silence.

Sirius turned to face him, a mixture of anger and confusion on his face. "Just tell me why you don't want me. I have everything to offer you! I'll love you! You know I'll love you!"

Remus felt a familiar ache in his chest. Sirius' pleading always hurt more than any angry word could. "I know you think so, Sirius. I also know you won't be happy with me. I can't be what you want. Another woman will come along, like before, only this time you won't be free to go. I can't --"

"You're wrong!" Sirius nearly shouted, his face turning red.

Remus shook his head. "I'm not wrong. We tried it, Sirius, and it didn't work out. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to be hurt."

Sirius had crossed the room and had him by the shoulders before Remus could blink. "I wouldn't hurt you! It's him, isn't it? He's filled your head with these ideas, hasn't he?"

Remus staggered back, pulling out of Sirius' grasp. "No. Stop it, Sirius. He hasn't done anything."

"How can you think he could love you more than I could?" Sirius fumed. "I'll prove it to you! Just tell me what you want!"

Remus took another step back, reaching for the door handle. "I think we both need some time to cool off."

He made his escape into the hallway, and leaned heavily against the door.

It was just as he'd feared. Sirius would do anything to keep him from Snape, even if it meant taking Remus for a lover himself.

And Sirius wasn't going to take rejection any easier than Snape would.

* * *

"Come in," Severus called, not waiting for Lupin to knock.

Lupin pushed the door open just enough to squeeze though. A terrible habit, in Severus' opinion. "You wanted to see me?"

"I wished to discuss something with you. Sit down."

Lupin looked around, finally choosing an armchair that wasn't completely buried under stacks of books and papers, and sat down.

Severus opened his record log and pretended to consult it, though he knew the contents by heart. "The full moon is two weeks away."

Lupin cleared his throat. "I haven't forgotten. Will you prepare the Wolfsbane this month?"

Severus couldn't help but fix him with an ugly glare. Was the man really so daft? "As I do every month, Lupin. However, I would like to discuss the possibility of additional treatment for your condition."

Lupin leaned forward. "Additional treatment?"

"I have been working on another potion. If successful, it may relieve many of the symptoms of your transformations."

Lupin's adam's apple bobbed in his throat, but he remained surprisingly calm. "Really? I would be most grateful for something of that nature, Severus."

"I understand the transformations have been more difficult lately?"

"Yes."

"The pain level has increased?"

"Yes."

Severus pretended to make note of it. "I believe I have the solution. I warn you, however, that it may not be practical to implement."

Lupin frowned. "How so?"

"You will have to follow a strict regimen. At least three days before the full moon, and at least three after."

"I see no problem so far," Lupin said, his brow furrowing. "I take the Wolfsbane daily already."

"The potion must be applied topically."

"I... er... I see," Lupin said, this time swallowing audibly. "And... er... just how must that be done?"

"It must be spread over your body," Severus said calmly, "repeatedly, over the course of several hours. Prior to application, you will need to take a muscle relaxant."

Lupin was quiet for a long time. So long, in fact, that Severus began to fear Lupin would reject his proposal, voiding many weeks of meticulous and exhausting work.

"I assume the muscle relaxant will prevent me from being able to apply the potion myself?"

Severus nodded. "It will."

Lupin sighed. "Well. I admit I'm at a loss as to how I am to manage this, Severus."

Severus forced his face to remain carefully void of emotion. "I'm sure Black can be taught to do it properly. The man is not such a dunce."

Lupin looked down at his hands, and Severus knew he was thinking the same thing Severus himself knew to be fact. To spend hours rubbing a potion into the skin of his friend -- or even his lover -- could very well be beyond the limits of Black's patience.

"I will discuss it with him, of course," Lupin said, his smile now tight and forced. "Thank you... for your concern for my well-being."

Severus waved him off. "I am Potions master of this school, am I not? I'm merely doing my job." He paused before continuing. "If Black is unable to do it, you will let me know, won't you? I'm eager to test the potency of this potion, and I can think of no better subject. I will apply the potion myself, if needed, after the full moon. That's when the results will be easiest to see."

"I understand," Lupin said weakly. "I will let you know."

"Good," Severus said. "I will send the potion over, along with instructions, in the morning. Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot of work."

"Of course," Lupin said, rising rather shakily. "Thank you."

"I expect you will still make it to dinner Thursday night?" Severus inquired, opening the door for him.

"Yes," Lupin said absently. "Of course."

"Good night, Lupin."

* * *

Remus stared glumly at the roll of parchment -- covered from top to bottom in Snape's neat script -- that had accompanied the bottle containing what appeared to be dark oil. Snape had failed to mention a few details, before.

"What's that, Remus?" Sirius asked, coming up behind him.

"A potion Severus made for me."

"What's it do?"

"He thinks it will relieve some of the pain and discomfort before and after the change."

Sirius patted him on the shoulder. "That's great. You've had it rough lately."

"I don't think I'll be able to use it," Remus said, shaking his head.

"What?"

Remus offered him the parchment. "Take a look."

It took Sirius a few minutes to read it, and over that time Remus watched a frown gather on his face. When he finally looked up, his expression was grim. "Is he going to do this to you?"

"No," Remus said, forgetting his agreement with Snape. "He suggested you might be able to. If not, I guess that's the end of it."

Sirius looked down at the parchment again. "I could try."

Remus heard the unmistakable tone of disgust in Sirius' voice, and he couldn't bring himself to blame him. "Don't be silly, Sirius. I know that's farther than you're willing to go. I can't ask you to do that."

Sirius' stuck up his chin stubbornly. "I can do it. If this is what you need."

"I can't let you do it," Remus said softly. "It will disgust you, and I couldn't take that."

Sirius hesitated. Then, surprising Remus by the quickness of his withdrawal, he pushed the parchment away. "I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus picked up the parchment and rolled it up. "Can't be helped. I'm sure something else will come up."

Sirius looked regretful. "I _am_ sorry, Remus. It's just too much."

"Don't worry about it," Remus assured him.

When Sirius left the room, Remus unrolled the parchment again and read the instructions once more.

So he'd been right about Sirius. When it came to men, blowjobs -- receiving them, that is -- were as far as he was willing to go.

Remus shook his head and pushed the bottle back into the padded bag it had come in, followed by the instructions and the soft capsules containing the muscle relaxant.

Everyone had their limits. This was Sirius', and Remus couldn't hold it against him. If he was completely honest with himself, the procedure Snape described caused his own stomach to turn a bit.

* * *

"He couldn't do it," Remus said. "Sirius is --"

"Mostly straight?" Snape finished for him, arching an eyebrow. "Or just unusually repulsed by the male body?"

"Possibly both."

"I see."

"I assume you have no such problem?"

"None," Snape said calmly. "Over the years, I have made -- and personally applied -- any number of such potions. It's quite a common procedure."

"Right," Remus said with another sigh. "Perfectly common." He crossed his arms over his chest, hugging his robes tighter to his body.

"I see you savaged yourself even more than usual," Snape said, looking him over critically. "Until now you had managed to avoid your face."

"Yes," Remus said simply. The gashes on his arms were nothing compared to the pain caused by the ones on his face and neck. They would scar...

"I believe the potion will prevent scarring," Snape said, as if reading his thoughts.

Maybe he had, Remus thought. He was too exhausted and in too much pain to care if Snape committed that violation.

Snape looked at him for another few moments before continuing. "There are two ways to do this, Lupin. On the table or on the bed. Your choice."

Remus felt a lump rise in his throat. "Wh-Which is better for you?"

"Bed," Snape said after a moment of thought. "Easier to clean up. The sheets can simply be rolled up."

"Very practical. All right then, the bed."

Snape said nothing, but led him down a short hallway. Remus had never been in Snape's bedroom, and despite everything he felt his curiosity rising.

"Undress and lie down," Snape said unceremoniously once they were inside.

Remus made a move toward the bed, then stopped, his back toward Snape. He couldn't do this. Not like this.

"Severus?"

"What is it, Lupin?"

"Would you... er... like to have sex?"

There was such absolute silence behind him that Remus began to feel a little frightened.

Then Snape cleared his throat. "What brings this on, if I may ask?"

Remus shrugged, wincing as a wound on his shoulder reopened. "What we're going to do, that's almost as intimate. You may not think so, but to me it seems very much that way. It may be as good a time as any to take our relationship to a more... physical level." He held his breath, waiting for whatever Snape might say. He had no idea how Snape might react.

"Unlike Black, I have no qualms about sex. A pity if you do, Lupin. As far as your proposal, I have no argument against it. I would, however, like to point out that the muscle relaxant will leave you effectually paralyzed."

"What if we do it before --"

"I'm not in the habit of letting my lovers bleed to death while I fuck them."

Remus felt heat rush to his face. Snape certainly had a way of putting things.

"However," Snape continued when Remus didn't speak, "if you prefer to treat this as foreplay, I believe it may be a fair facsimile. There is always the morning, if you still wish to do it then."

Remus nodded. "Fine."

"In that case," Snape said, coming up behind him, "let me help you undress."

Remus allowed Snape to remove his robes before sitting down on the bed and making an attempt to tug off his boots.

"Let me," Snape said, brushing aside Remus' hands.

Naked and slightly shaky, Remus waited for further instructions.

Instead, Snape leaned down and kissed him, thin, hard lips pressing against his without much force.

Remus couldn't help the thought that Sirius put more passion into his kisses. Still, it was a start, and Remus parted his lips to allow Snape' tongue inside.

Apparently satisfied, Snape released him and stood up, shrugging out of his own robes. "Get comfortable, Lupin."

"Do you suppose you could call me Remus?"

"Remus," Snape repeated flatly. He pulled the cork out of a small bottle and poured a dose into a spoon. "The muscle relaxant should work faster in liquid form."

Remus reached for the spoon, but Snape kneeled on the bed and brought it to his mouth. "Wouldn't want you to spill. Your hands are shaking." He frowned, then took out his wand and pointed to the fireplace, casting a quick spell. The fire roared. "Better?"

"Thank you," Remus said, grimacing at the taste of the medicine sliding down his throat.

Almost immediately, he began to feel weak. He found himself unable to assist as Snape moved him carefully onto the center of the bed.

"As I explained earlier, several applications will be required," Snape said. He was pulling on a pair of gloves which Remus thought might be made of thin snakeskin.

He was going to ask, but found his mouth uncooperative.

"You will not be able to speak," Snape confirmed, frowning down at him. "It's best not to try, or you risk biting your tongue."

Remus watched helplessly as Snape continued to prepare. The bottle of potion was uncorked and set on a tray next to his head, then Snape muttered a few spells Remus did not recognize, and finally...

"I will begin with the worst of your injuries. After that, I will make a more thorough application."

Remus shut his eyes.

It was a few more minutes -- or maybe it only seemed that way -- before Snape's hand touched his face.

It was like liquid fire touching his skin.

It took him a moment to realize he wasn't burning, and in fact there was no pain. The heat spread outward and inward from where Snape's fingertips moved in small, firm circles. Remus would almost swear the heat reached through to his bones.

He understood now why Snape had said it would take hours to apply the potion. The potion had to be carefully massaged into the skin, care taken to cover all of it. It was a slow process.

At some point, Remus opened his eyes so he could watch Snape's face. Snape never met his eyes. The only time he looked away from what he was doing was when he reached for the bottle to pour more of the potion into the palm of one hand.

The further down Remus' chest Snape's hand went, the more butterflies gathered in Remus' stomach.

Snape hadn't warned him it would feel so good. The potion didn't just heat. It vibrated. It pulsed deep in his muscles and through his veins like so many tiny heartbeats.

Snape's fingers circled Remus' nipples slowly, rubbing perhaps more, and certainly longer, than necessary. Remus couldn't help but moan softly.

"Good?" Snape inquired, his eyes flickering briefly to Remus' face.

Of course, Remus couldn't answer, but Snape did not appear to be looking for confirmation. A moment later he moved on to Remus' ribs, where the worst of his injuries were.

"That's all of the wounds," Snape said, a few minutes later. "You might like to know that they're healing as expected. I will now apply the potion over your entire body. If you're tired, you may sleep. This will take several hours."

Remus was tired. The change had been particularly brutal. He found himself dozing, waking occasionally when Snape touched a sensitive spot. When consciousness returned fully, Snape was massaging his feet.

Remus watched him with half-open eyes. As usual, there was no discernible expression on Snape's face.

"I'm going to turn you over now," Snape said.

So it was halfway done, then.

After turning him onto his stomach, Snape carefully propped Remus' head up with a thin pillow before proceeding.

There was nothing Remus could do but wait. Snape made steady progress.

Finally, he took Snape's advice, and allowed sleep to come.

By the time he opened his eyes again, Snape was finished and was sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking Remus' arm lightly.

"Sleep," Snape said. "You need it."

Remus closed his eyes again. The last thing he remembered was a blanket being drawn over his body.

* * *

"You slept with him."

Remus refused to be moved by Sirius' accusing tone. "It's an adult relationship, Sirius. That tends to happen."

"You slept with him. How could you, Remus?"

Remus bit his tongue to keep back the first retort that came to mind. "This is none of your business."

"Like hell it's not! You can't tell me you willingly went to bed with that greasy git!"

Remus crossed his arms and glared at him, refusing to answer. Sirius had no business accusing him of anything.

"Does this mean you've made your choice?"

"No," Remus said. "I haven't made anything."

"But you slept with him."

"We've established that fact."

"So that's it, is it? You'll choose him because he's willing to fuck you." Sirius shook his head, looking disgusted.

"That's not true."

"Isn't it? Name one thing he can give you that I can't, aside from that. Go ahead. Name it. I'd like to hear it."

Remus swallowed hard. Sirius did have a point, to a certain extent. There wasn't anything concrete he could point to --

"You can't, can you, Remus," Sirius said, sneering. "You can't. So, there you have it." He stood up abruptly, taking his cloak. "I'll leave you to think it over. I sincerely hope you'll think hard."

The door slammed behind him, and Remus dropped his head into his hands with a groan.

Was Sirius right? Was Remus choosing sex over true friendship? He had never doubted Sirius' affection for him, while Snape...

Well, who knew what Snape was feeling, really. Remus had spent more time with him than anyone, except perhaps Dumbledore, and he still didn't feel like he knew the man.

The night he'd spent in Snape's bed hadn't changed a thing. It was still an impossible choice.


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't know who else to talk to."

Severus froze, his ears pricking up. Years of spying had honed his hearing as well as his ability to tell when something of importance was being discussed.

Lupin's tone alone told him this was something he wanted to hear.

"Sirius is taking it so hard. Like a personal betrayal. I knew he wouldn't be happy, but I didn't expect him to be this upset. I can't tell if he really loves me, or if he's willing to have me just to keep me from Severus."

The source of the voices was obvious now. A broom cupboard had been left open, probably by a careless student, and Severus could see a small window in back of it had also been opened a crack. Lupin and his confidant had to be standing on the other side of the wall, possibly in the courtyard.

In one fluid motion, Severus stepped inside the cupboard and shut the door behind him. No sense letting a passing student or teacher catch him standing in the middle of the hallway like a fool.

"Yes," Lupin was now saying. "I know that. I just don't know if we're truly right for each other. He doesn't let me get close. It's like he doesn't even know how to let someone closer than arm's length. A marriage to him might be as loveless, in some ways, as one to Sirius."

In the dark, Severus scowled. What was Lupin going on about?

"Have you thought about what you want, Remus?"

Severus struggled to identify the voice, but though he thought it might belong to Hooch, he couldn't be sure with the wind and distance distorting it. Apparently Lupin was standing closer to the window.

"Sirius bought a house, and I have to admit, walking through it I couldn't help but want all that Sirius was offering. A place to belong."

"I meant in a person, Remus. A house you can buy with any man. What do you want in a partner?"

"I want... intimacy. I want someone I can share everything with. Someone I can talk to if I've had a bad day, someone I can cuddle with by the fire, or sit reading a book and just feel his presence in the room with me. I want someone who understands that I want to be left alone sometimes. Someone who understands what the change is like, because he will see me at my worst so often. Someone who thinks family is more important than anything." There was a long pause. "That's Sirius. Damn it. That's Sirius, isn't it?"

Severus' breath caught in his throat. He had never hated Black more than he did at that moment.

He didn't hear the reply. It was a long time before Lupin spoke again.

"I think what Sirius really offers is a family. A chance to raise a child... even if Harry is almost grown up now. You can't imagine what it's like, knowing I can never have one of my own. That's what my curse stole from me."

"A baby?"

"I've never wanted anything more, and the older I get the more I ache for it. I know it's impossible. I know it, but I can't let it go. At least with Sirius I can experience a little of what it's like."

"Have you thought of adopting? Perhaps Severus --"

Lupin laughed. It was a low, bitter sound. "I think Severus has made it clear over the years that he thinks children are barely tolerable. And Sirius... I don't think he wants children. He's told me Harry is more than enough. For him, the future is travel to exotic places. Having adventures. Not changing nappies and kissing scuffed knees. I always --"

Just then there was a crash and a girl screamed.

Lupin swore loudly. "Bloody Slytherins! Get the nurse quickly, I can see from here that's a broken bone."

Severus heard hurried footsteps as Lupin and his companion each ran in different directions. After a moment, he checked that the hallway was empty and left his hiding place.

So.

Lupin wanted a baby.

A baby of his own, no less.

Severus was so lost in thought that he missed a perfect opportunity to take points off a Gryffindor who was kicking the statue of Greg the Gargantuan.

Lupin wanted a baby, and there was no way Black could give him one.

Severus felt a rare smile tug at his lips.

Lupin couldn't carry a baby himself, but he was in error to think he couldn't father one. A common misconception about werewolves. Obviously Lupin hadn't done as much research as Severus had done in the process of creating the Wolfsbane potion.

If Black couldn't even see himself in bed with a man, what were the chances he would agree to carry a baby? The process was not particularly difficult, though it involved more than two dozen potions and potentially weeks of mind-numbing bed rest, but for a man as hyper-masculine as Sirius Black, the very idea would be obscene.

Severus allowed his smile to fully develop, in the process frightening a passing third-year Hufflepuff into incoherent stuttering.

Lupin was going to be his yet.

* * *

Remus sat down in the visitor's chair and waited. According to the clock, he was a bit early; Snape was still teaching his last class for the day.

He looked around the office, taking note of two new jars filled with yellowish liquid, in which disgusting pickled creatures floated.

Finally, he occupied himself by taking a scrap of parchment from Snape's desk and penning a letter to Bill Weasley, thanking him for the talisman he had sent Harry. Very likely Harry would forget, what with the frenzy over the upcoming Valentine's Day dance.

"Lupin."

Remus looked up. Snape was hanging up his heavy cloak, and there was snow on his clothes and in his hair. "Was class all right? I didn't realize you went out."

"Longbottom needed to be escorted to the greenhouses. The boy refuses to give it up, even in this weather."

Remus blinked in momentary confusion. Snape had helped Neville to the greenhouses, braving snow and sleet? "That was very kind of you, Severus."

"I appreciate his tenacity. It is his one admirable quality, but it may just serve him well in life."

Remus nodded, unable to think of anything to say to that observation. Certainly it was no glowing praise, but coming from Snape, one could almost forget all the cruel things he usually said about poor Neville.

"I called you in because we both seem to have the afternoon free. My work has kept me busy of late."

Remus nodded again. "Yes. I missed you at meals."

"I had them brought to my quarters," Snape said. "I couldn't afford to waste time, and my potions needed to be closely watched."

"Has something happened to make your usual load heavier?"

Snape shrugged. "A virulent flu is going around. Some typical injuries. Frostbite. Nothing of concern."

"I'm sure Poppy appreciates your assistance."

"Pomfrey is suitably grateful, yes. St. Mungo's is still very slow in sending potions."

"They're swamped over there. I heard there are fifty more refugees just arrived from Durmstrang."

"We'll end up with more than our fair share here," Snape said. "Just wait and see."

"Poor kids."

Snape nodded. "I don't envy them. Mind you, I'm glad Hogwarts is able to help, even if we are stretched thin."

Remus felt another wave of confusion, but Snape seemed to choose that moment to change the subject.

"The reason I called you in, Lupin. I believe we should discuss our possible future together."

"Our... er..." Remus swallowed hard before he could go on. "Of course. We haven't had much chance to talk lately. I'm sure some things have come up since our last... time together."

Snape didn't seem to notice Remus' difficulty. "It seems prudent to discuss our expectations before our relationship goes any farther."

"Our expectations?" Remus repeated, frowning slightly.

"It would be a pity to make a commitment only to realize we have very different needs and desires."

"Of course," Remus said, relaxing slightly. "It would be terrible."

"Let's begin with you, Lupin."

"Remus," Remus reminded him gently. "I though we agreed you would call me Remus?"

"Remus," Snape repeated with a curt nod. "I suppose the first question I want to ask you is... Are you happy to reside at Hogwarts indefinitely, or would you prefer what one might call a 'real home'?"

"I don't mind living at Hogwarts," Remus answered cautiously. "It has been my only place of refuge most of my life."

"I see," Snape said, frowning. "I have a home, Remus. It isn't much, and I haven't so much as spent a night in it since my childhood, but it's there nonetheless. I always thought someday I would live there again, with my family."

"Family?"

"My partner and children."

There was a silence, which Remus finally managed to fill by clearing his throat. Twice.

"Severus. I don't know if you're aware of this, but I can't have children."

"Nonsense," Snape said evenly. "Don't tell me you read that in 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them' and believed it."

Remus stared at him.

"You are capable of fathering a child," Snape continued, apparently under the impression that Remus hadn't understood. "Though your condition would prevent you from carrying one. It is an unfortunate limitation, because I have heard pregnancy can be a rewarding experience."

Remus continued to stare. The power of speech had abandoned him utterly.

"Well?" Snape demanded. "Why do you stare? You do want children, Lupin, do you not?"

"I --" Remus' voice cracked, and he coughed. "Yes, Severus. More than anything. Are you certain it's possible?"

"Quite," Snape confirmed. "If you doubt me you may look up the research of Rostand."

"I don't doubt you."

Snape leaned back in his chair and regarded Remus scrutinizingly. "You say you do want children. When do you want them?"

"I-I don't know," Remus said, twisting the hem of his robes in his hands.

"Right away? I'm not willing to wait years. I meant to be married long before this. The war..." Snape's voice trailed off.

Remus' head whirled. "Right away. I want one right away..."

* * *

"He what?"

Remus sank down on the edge of the bed and shook his head helplessly. "A baby, Sirius. He can have my baby."

Sirius stared at him with an expression of pure disgust. "Get knocked up, you mean?"

Remus looked up, slowly realizing that Sirius was not on the same wavelength. "Men can, Sirius. You know that."

Sirius snorted. "What kind of a man would want that?"

"I would," Remus said. "I would give anything to be able to have a baby."

"So have one," Sirius muttered. "If you want one that much. I'm not stopping you."

"I can't. No pregnancy would survive the change."

Sirius looked slightly sorry, but the next minute he rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Look, Remus, what do you want a squalling infant for? We have Harry. Why spend years changing soiled nappies?"

Remus looked away, biting the inside of his cheek.

"You never wanted one before," Sirius added peevishly. "Snape put that idea in your head."

"He didn't. I never said anything because I didn't know it was possible."

Sirius snorted again and turned away. "Well you can't expect me to have one. That's too much, Remus."

Remus shook his head. "I wouldn't."

Sirius froze, his back still to him. "Then...?"

"I think I made my choice, Sirius. I'm sorry."

Sirius shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry," Remus repeated, moving toward the door.

Sirius shrugged. "Go on. Marry the greasy bastard and let him pop out a few brats. We'll see how it turns out."

Remus turned on his heel and stalked out of the room, passing a stunned looking Harry without so much as a word.

* * *

"Very Slytherin of you," Snape said, raising an eyebrow.

"It occurred to me this could be just another pawn in this sick little game you and Sirius have been playing with me."

Snape's eyebrow shot up even higher. "Game? Marriage is hardly a game, Lupin."

"I want you to understand me, Severus," Remus said, stopping his pacing and turning toward Snape. "I could have chosen either one of you. The scales were fairly even. I could have been happy regardless of my choice. I chose you because you offered me something Sirius can never give me -- or won't."

"I see."

"This sounds cold hearted, I know --"

"Hardly," Snape cut in. "Sounds quite practical to me."

Remus took a deep breath to steady himself. Yes, Snape would think it was practical to choose a partner based on what he could offer you. "Nothing has ever been as important to me as having a family. I spent most of my life believing it was impossible."

"And now you think I'm using it as bait?"

"That would be very Slytherin of _you_."

"I'll tell you what, Lupin," Snape said calmly. "There is no need for us to marry yet. We will conceive a child first. The law requires marriage within three months of conception. I will require it within three weeks, to err on the side of decency. It will, however, give you the assurance you want."

Remus sat down where he stood, and had a chair not skidded underneath him, he would have ended up sprawled on the floor.

"Is that satisfactory?" Snape inquired in the same dispassionate tone.

"Perfectly," Remus choked out.

"Very well," Snape said, standing up. "I happen to have a potion ready. Meant for a colleague, but no matter, I will make more. I will take the potion now, and if you're up for it, I'm sure we can seal this deal by midnight."

Too numb to think, Remus allowed Snape to steer him toward the bedroom.

"You may undress while I get the potion," Snape said, leaving him standing by the bed.

Remus suddenly snapped out of his stupor. "Severus, are you quite mad?"

Snape turned back to look at him. "What?"

"I can't do this!"

"And why not, pray tell?"

"I..." Remus raked his hand through his hair. "I..."

"Undress. This is what you wanted."

* * *

Severus opened the cupboard door and went inside. The potion was ready; had been ready for days, ever since the night he found out Lupin's secret desire. He would have to brew most of the others as he went along, as there hadn't been time to prepare all of them.

He picked up the heavy glass flask and looked closely at the swirling liquid inside.

A baby.

Well. Not exactly what he would choose to have, just then. Perhaps it had entered his mind a few times, when he considered the possibility of marriage, but marriage and family life had seemed an unlikely attainment before the war ended.

Severus shut the cupboard door carefully and listened for sounds from the bedroom.

All he had to do now was get Lupin to go through with it. There would be no turning back.

And as for the baby... Lupin would take care of it, after all. It was not as though anyone was expecting Severus to change nappies or -- Merlin forbid -- breastfeed the little beast. When it got older, there would be day school and afternoon activities. After that, boarding school. At most, he would have to suffer through summers... unless summer camp could be arranged.

Lupin would be the one to wipe dripping noses and read saccharine bedtime stories, give baths and bandage scraped knees. All Severus had to do was put in nine months. The worst that would happen is he'd lose his breakfast a few times.

Lupin was worth that, but more than that, it was worth it to know he had taken Lupin from Black.

Severus stopped to fill a tall glass with the potion. Leaving the empty bottle on the table, he carried the glass carefully into the bedroom.

* * *

Remus rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

"Lupin?"

"Remus," Remus muttered. "I can't believe you can still call me Lupin after that."

"Old habits die hard."

Remus turned his head to look at Snape. "Are you all right?"

"Of course."

"It's been a while since I... Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

Snape snorted.

"Should I go?"

"Go? Where would you go?"

"It's late."

"Your point?"

Remus shook his head. "Never mind."

"Go to sleep Lu-- Remus. By morning we will know whether the potion has worked, and then you will have no reason to leave at all. One night will hardly make a difference."

"I didn't say it would," Remus said, sighing. "I'm not used to sharing a bed, that's all. I thought it might be the same for you."

"It is," Snape said, reaching down to pull the duvet over them. "But unlike you, I always meant to change that."

"I never said I didn't want to."

"Then stop muttering and go to sleep."

Remus turned over on his side and sighed again.

It had been too long since the last time he had sex with anyone for him to be certain whether anything was lacking. He couldn't help thinking there was a certain methodical coldness with which Snape went through it.

Maybe that would change. They had to get comfortable with each other first, and he did have to admit they'd rushed into a physical relationship before a foundation of trust had been fully built.

He shut his eyes and listened to the other man's steady breathing. Snape had a knack for falling asleep quickly, no matter what the situation. Remus had first noticed it when they were working together during the war, and he supposed it was a survival technique of sorts. One had never known when one might get the next chance to rest, after all, and it had been prudent to use any lull to catch up on sleep.

What if Snape did get pregnant? Certainly the man knew his potions. If this wasn't a trick...

Part of him refused to believe that nine months from then he might be holding a son or a daughter in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

"Morning."

Snape turned to look at him. He buttoned the last of the dozen or so buttons on his robes and nodded curtly. "Good morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"I slept as well as could be expected."

Remus propped himself up on one elbow and ran his fingers through his hair. "Do you have a class this morning?"

"No. I thought I would have an early breakfast and then see Pomfrey before the usual student injuries flood the infirmary. You may meet me there in an hour."

Remus sat up so fast his head reeled. "No. I'll go with you now."

Snape regarded him for a moment. "Of course. Get dressed."

The Great Hall was empty except for a house-elf who went about scrubbing the tables. Food appeared when they sat down.

Snape said nothing throughout the meal, and Remus wasn't sure what he could say to break the silence. He chose not to say anything.

"Are you certain pregnancy is detectable this early?" Remus asked as they walked to the hospital wing.

Snape glanced at a clock and frowned. "I believe eight hours are required. Do you recall the exact time we --"

"No," Remus said quickly, his eyes darting around the empty hallway.

"In that case, we will leave it to Pomfrey to see what she can find."

Remus stopped in his tracks. "Severus. How exactly do you plan on telling her?"

Snape stopped and turned to look at him. "Pomfrey already knows, Remus. Certainly you don't think I would take a chance with my own health and that of my unborn child?"

Remus let out a relieved breath. "Of course. I wasn't thinking straight. I'm just glad we won't have a fainting nurse on our hands."

"Pomfrey is hardly that easy to shock."

"A male pregnancy? That's still quite unusual. Has she any experience?"

"She's familiar with the basics. If I require additional care, she will call in a specialist. She has many contacts in the medical community. Here we are --" Snape started to pull open the double doors.

Remus jumped in front of him. "Let me!"

Snape fixed him with a disgusted look. "Have you gone mad, Lupin?"

Remus felt a flush creep up his neck. "What? Can't I open a door for you?"

"I hope this is not an indication of things to come," Snape muttered, walking past him into the infirmary.

Feeling foolish, Remus followed him.

The nurse was bustling around the beds, smoothing sheets and plumping pillows. Winter was a season for illness, and the infirmary usually saw a dozen students a day. When she saw them, she dropped what she was doing and came over. "Severus. Remus. What can I do for you?"

"A pregnancy test, if you please," Snape said calmly.

Pomfrey didn't bat an eyelash, just as Snape had predicted. Remus watched as she brought in several odd looking gizmos from a back storage room, laying them out on a table next to one of the beds.

"Lie down, Severus," she said. "Unbutton your shirt."

Remus watched curiously as the nurse placed flat, circular stones carved with intricate runes on top of Snape's stomach. When she was finished, she flicked her wand twice.

The stones glowed.

A minute passed with no other effect, and Remus shifted from one foot to the other. "Er... are we waiting for something?"

"There," Pomfrey said.

Remus peered closely, and saw a wisp of something rise from the center stone; the one covering Snape's navel. "Is that...?"

"A baby," Pomfrey confirmed. "Congratulations, gentlemen."

Remus had to grab the edge of the table to steady himself.

A baby.

Until that very moment, he hadn't truly believed it.

* * *

Remus folded the last shirt carefully and put it in the box. Everything he owned fit in one box and one briefcase, with room to spare. The room he had called home for more than two years now held no evidence that he had lived there.

He almost didn't hear the knock the first time. Probably, had it not been for his heightened sense of hearing, he wouldn't have heard it at all.

"Come in," he called, not turning from his work.

He heard shuffling footsteps and the door closing with a soft creak, then nothing.

"Harry? Is that --" Remus turned, expecting to see Harry. For the past two days the boy had looked like he wanted to speak to him, but couldn't get up the nerve. "Sirius."

Sirius looked down at the floor. "Remus."

"What are you doing here? I know you have class."

"Ditched," Sirius said, shrugging. "Hermione's in charge. They'll probably learn more anyway."

Remus sat down on the edge of the bed. "What do you want, Sirius?"

Sirius looked up quickly, then dropped his gaze again.

Remus waited.

"I don't blame you, and I'm not angry, and I don't want to fight with you anymore," Sirius mumbled, barely audibly.

Remus let out the breath he hadn't know he was holding. "Why the change of heart?"

Sirius shrugged again. "You're my best friend. I didn't want more than that until I thought Snape was going to get you."

"He does have me. He's having my baby, Sirius. I'm going to marry him at the end of the week."

Sirius looked up, eyes pleading. "I'm sorry, Moony. I've been such an idiot."

"I'm sorry I had to hurt you to make you understand."

Sirius nodded and didn't say anything. He was back to looking at the floor.

"How's Harry doing?"

"He's all right."

Remus nodded and turned back to his packing. "That's good."

"He's as much yours as he is mine, you know."

Remus froze.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said. "I never should have used him like that. He's yours, too, and you can see him as often as you like. I was a complete idiot, Remus."

Remus swallowed, not trusting his voice.

"Will you forgive me, or do I have to beg?"

"You're good at begging," Remus said, smiling weakly. "But no, you don't have to. I'm not angry with you anymore."

"Friends, then?"

"Always."

Sirius grinned and threw himself into an armchair, looking as if a giant boulder had just fallen off his chest. "So. Tell me. Are you really going to be a daddy?"

* * *

"Stop hovering," Snape said, pushing Remus away. "You're in my way."

"Should you be doing that? Blueroot is poisonous."

"So you paid attention in Herbology. Good for you." Snape dropped the chopped roots into the cauldron and began to stir.

"You're standing too close to the fire, Severus."

Snape turned toward him, his expression deadly. "No. YOU are standing too close to ME. Get out, Remus. Go see what that infernal mutt is up to."

Remus crossed his arms and stayed where he was. "Poppy said you should be careful what you handle."

"This is my job. I'm hardly going to poison myself with a simple sleep draught. I'm not a bumbling first year."

"Maybe you should get one of the students to help you. It would be as good as an apprenticeship for them. Neville could take care of some of the plants and --"

Snape snorted. "I don't have a death wish. And if I did, I would find an easier way to go than through Longbottom's incompetence."

"I thought you admired his tenacity?"

Snape shot him a disgusted look. "As long as he's tenacious on the other side of Hogwarts. Now, for the last time, stop hovering or I will shove you head first into this cauldron!"

"You're carrying my child, Severus! I won't let you do anything dangerous. Poppy said --"

"I don't care what that blasted woman said!" Snape roared. "Get away from me, Remus, I'm on my last nerve!"

Reluctantly, Remus moved several paces away from Snape's work table.

Snape worked in silence for several minutes, then glanced up at him. "You're still here."

"Not going anywhere."

"I always thought Black was the stubborn one."

"I guess you were wrong."

"For Merlin's sake, I'm hardly two weeks along!"

Remus shook his head obstinately. "Poppy said the first month is very important for fetal development."

Snape muttered something under his breath and returned to work.

The potion was ruined.

"This is your fault," Snape said through gritted teeth as he poured the potion down the drain. "Next time I'm locking you out. I should have never agreed to let you into my workroom."

Remus scowled at him, but said nothing.

Maybe it was his fault for distracting Snape. But was it his fault Snape was taking unnecessary chances with the health of their baby?

"First thing tomorrow, I'm going to have a long discussion with McGonagall."

"About what?" Remus demanded.

"Getting you a job."

Remus shook his head. "Don't be daft. She can't do anything for me."

"She can't as Headmistress, but she can as a private citizen. I don't care if you end up shoveling snow, one way or the other I'm going to be rid of you for at least a few hours a day, before you drive both of us mad."

* * *

"Snape being a stupid git again?"

"He's making dangerous potions and expects me to be quiet about it."

"Maybe he knows what he's doing."

Remus stared at Sirius. Since when did Sirius admit Snape could do anything right?

"Look," Sirius said, putting up his hands defensively. "I'm not saying you don't know better, but I can see you're getting worked up over this. Did Pomfrey actually say he couldn't keep working?"

"No..."

"Then stop pestering him, before he really does drown you in a cauldron."

"He locked me out of our quarters."

"So he needs some time alone. Don't try to tell me you've never locked yourself in a room when you didn't want to be bothered, because I vividly remember some evenings James and I had to pound the dorm room door down."

"That's different. We're married."

"Remus. You married Snape. What did you expect?"

Remus glared at him.

"You're smothering him."

"He's having my baby," Remus said stubbornly. Sirius just didn't understand!

"No reason for the two of you to be joined at the hip. People have babies all the time."

Remus waved him off and walked to the door. "Thanks for letting me borrow this."

"Don't bother bringing it back. Perfectly useless book, really."

Remus shook his head at his friend's lack of appreciation for higher magic, and headed toward the staircase, already thumbing through the index to find the section on locking charms.

* * *

"Are you sure you should do this?"

Snape pulled on the skin-tight gloves and frowned at him. "What are you going on about now?"

"The potion takes hours to apply. Should you be sitting up that long?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"You shouldn't overexert yourself. Poppy said --"

"If you quote Pomfrey one more time --"

"Fine," Remus said, sighing in frustration. "Fine. But if you get tired..."

"If I get tired, I will take a break. It won't make much difference to you."

"Agreed," Remus said, stripping off his shirt. "But give me your word."

He could hear Snape's teeth grinding. "I give you my word."

Remus lay down and waited for Snape to hand him the muscle relaxant.

He had spoken to the nurse, alone this time, and been assured that Snape could continue his normal activities until at least the middle of his second trimester. That was the end of summer, and he had already badgered Snape into agreeing to let McGonagall hire someone to take over for him the following year.

Snape, in turn, had demanded assurances that he'd have his job back the day after he gave birth, and no amount of pleading on Remus' part had budged him.

They weren't even past the first month, as Snape liked to remind him.

Remus sighed and settled more comfortably on the bed, feeling the medication begin to work.

The baby wasn't due until November, and November seemed so far away.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"You did. Now answer my question."

"Just looking at your belly."

Snape raised his head, a scowl already on his face. "What?" He looked down at his flat stomach and his scowl deepened. "I don't have a belly."

"Not yet. You will."

"For Merlin's sake... What are you doing now?"

Remus ignored him. With his ear pressed to Snape's navel, he imagined he could hear the baby's heartbeat.

That was just wishful thinking, he knew. The baby was hardly larger than a tadpole, and it's tiny heart couldn't be heard from deep inside Snape's body.

But soon...

"Get off me, Remus. I don't know what's got into you, but I'm not going to miss breakfast because of your foolishness."

Reluctantly, Remus moved aside to let him off the bed.

"I have two classes this morning, and I expect you NOT to hover outside the door at the end of each," Snape went on, pulling on his clothes. "Furthermore, I... would prefer... if..."

Remus was on his feet in a split second. "Severus? What's wrong?"

Instead of answering, Snape clamped his hand over his mouth and bolted for the bathroom.

Remus made it to the door just in time to have it slammed in his face. "Severus? Are you all right? Open the door!"

After a long moment, Snape's voice, slightly shaky, came through the door. "If you come in here, I will hex you with boils."

Remus hit the wall in frustration, then slid to a sitting position on the floor.

Minutes passed. He could hear retching. It seemed like it would never stop. Finally, he heard water running.

The lock clicked.

"Get off the floor, you'll catch a draft," Snape said crossly.

Remus scrambled up. "Are you all right?"

Snape sniffed disdainfully. "Never better. I always feel my best after emptying my stomach over a toilet."

Remus looked closely, but aside from being a shade paler than usual, Snape did seem to be all right. "Is this the first time you've had morning sickness?"

Snape hesitated, then shook his head. "It started when you were gone."

"And you didn't think I'd want to know?"

"I thought it would be another reason for you to fuss unnecessarily."

"Unnecessarily!"

"A little nausea is perfectly normal."

Remus followed him to the wardrobe. "You can't teach class like this!"

"Why not?"

"What if you get sick again?"

"I've taken a potion. It won't happen again."

"It happened just now!"

Snape turned to glare at him. "I couldn't very well take a potion while I was sleeping, could I?"

Remus watched helplessly as Snape finished dressing, picked up the stack of essays he had finished grading the previous evening, and headed for the door.

"Will you at least come to breakfast? You need to eat."

"I will have something brought to my office. I have a lesson plan to prepare."

The door shut behind him, leaving Remus alone. He sank onto the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands.

Why couldn't Snape understand? Remus' every instinct told him to protect his unborn child, even if that meant protecting it from the very person who was carrying it.

* * *

Over on the bed, Lupin sighed another one of his broken, pitiful sighs.

Very deliberately, Severus turned the page of his record book and proceeded to fill in the fourth years' grades.

Another sigh.

"Quit that," Severus said unsympathetically. "I know what you're up to. It won't work. I'm not taking the rest of the year off."

"Less than a month!" Lupin cried, suddenly animated. "Someone else can easily oversee the revisions, and you are not needed by the fifth and seventh years at all!"

Severus scowled at him. "I intend to assist my better students in their studies. As well, you know I do not believe in revising. I intend to continue teaching new material until the end of the year."

Lupin slumped defeatedly against the pillows. "Why must you be so stubborn?"

"Why must you be so unreasonable?"

"You shouldn't overexert yourself."

"It's up to me to decide what is overexertion and what is not."

Lupin was quiet for a moment. "Let's not argue anymore. Come sit down."

Severus made his way across the room, but he watched Lupin suspiciously all the while.

Lupin shifted, laying his head across Severus' lap.

"I know you're up to something, Remus," Severus said, though he patted Lupin's head despite himself. "Spit it out."

"Every time I ask you for something, the answer is no. You won't stop making dangerous potions. You won't take the rest of the year off. You won't take it easy at all."

"The baby is not due for another six months. Do you expect me to spend that time in bed?"

"I wish you would listen to Poppy. She's concerned about the amount of time you spend on your feet."

"You are rubbing off on her. Soon she will be fussing as much as you do."

"Do I fuss?" Lupin asked, raising his head to look at Severus. "I just want you and the baby healthy."

"And we are."

"How do I know that? You won't tell me what you're feeling!"

Severus let out a frustrated snort. "There is nothing _to_ feel. I keep telling you. I feel nothing, aside from my skin being stretched slightly."

"You can't feel the baby move?"

"It's far too early. Has Pomfrey not told you that?"

Lupin ignored the question. "Have you had any more nausea?"

"No."

"You missed your last appointment with Poppy."

"I was supervising a detention. I rescheduled."

"You should have asked someone to take over!"

"They were Gryffindors."

Lupin sat up, glaring at him. "That's not the point at all!"

"What is the point, Remus?" Severus demanded, returning the glare. "I'm tired of arguing with you."

Lupin's lips thinned. Severus could hear him gritting his teeth. "You... are a control freak."

Severus stared a him.

"You," Lupin continued, now breathing unevenly, as though holding back tidal wave of rage, "don't let me make any decisions about this pregnancy. YOU SHUT ME OUT, AND IT'S MY BABY!"

Finished, Lupin sat back on his heels, panting and glaring.

Severus stood up, jerking his robes straight. "If it were up to you, I would spend the rest of this pregnancy strapped to a bed in the infirmary. This conversation is over."

Lupin was silent as Severus left the room, but Severus knew he was still boiling over with anger.

Lupin was becoming more unreasonable by the day.

* * *

"Severus! Wait!"

Severus slammed the door in Lupin's face and leaned against it, struggling to control his anger.

Lupin was driving him mad. Even the workroom was no longer a sanctuary.

Lupin hovered. He quoted from a dozen texts -- though where he had found so much information on male pregnancy was beyond Severus' guess -- and Poppy Pomfrey. He paced in the hallway outside the potions classroom and peered through the stained-glass panel at the top of Severus' office door while Severus was chewing out errant students. He terrorized the house-elves with preposterous demands, and personally oversaw the preparation of bizarre dishes -- despite the fact that Severus refused to eat them.

Six more months of this and Severus would be ready for St. Mungo's.

He sighed heavily as he looked down at his stomach. Three months gone, and he already looked like he'd swallowed a small hippogriff. He didn't want to know what he would look like by the time the baby was ready to come out.

The damned thing was interfering with his ability to work on his potions. Not only had Pomfrey forbidden him from using Monkwood and Belladonna, but now Pomfrey was warning against remaining on his feet longer than a few hours at a time. Potions, as Severus kept telling Lupin, could NOT be brewed sitting down.

Worse yet, Lupin had said something to Black, which had -- miracle though that was -- made it through the man's thick skull. Despite Severus' best efforts, Black gritted his teeth and wouldn't respond to even the most biting insults. That, along with Lupin's inability to understand that Severus could not successfully patrol the corridors at night with Lupin trailing behind him, took the last bit of enjoyment out of Severus' life.

"Severus, open the bloody door!"

Severus considered ignoring him, but that would only postpone the inevitable.

As soon as the door was open, Lupin stalked in. "Look, it isn't my fault Poppy thinks you're overexerting yourself. You're lucky you don't have to go on bed rest. According to my research --"

"I've heard as much about your research as I can stomach," Severus cut in. "I will thank you to keep it to yourself."

"Then stop taking unnecessary risks! This is my child! You purposely ignored Poppy's warning about the Feverfew, and --"

"And nothing happened! For the last time, I know how to handle potions ingredients!"

Severus tried to step around Lupin, but Lupin blocked his path.

"I know what you're doing!" he snarled. "This baby doesn't mean anything to you, does it? If you miscarry, I'll be trapped in this marriage regardless."

* * *

"You... er... accused him of trying to murder the baby?"

"Yes."

"Let me see it."

Slowly, Remus lowered the bloody handkerchief.

"I don't think it's broken," Sirius said after a moment. "Here, put some ice on it."

"You think I'm wrong," Remus said, watching as Sirius unfolded clean sheets and began to make up a bed on the couch. "Don't you?"

"I think..." Sirius began, then he shook his head. "Look, I wouldn't put it past him to do something like that. But didn't you say he's the one who suggested having it in the first place?"

"And I believed it. Until I did some research and found out the potion takes days to prepare. He had it ready, Sirius. He told me it was for a colleague of his, but the potion only lasts a week from brewing. He never made more. I know it. There isn't even any Motherwort in his potions cabinet, and that's the main ingredient."

Sirius frowned. "You think he found out you wanted a baby?"

"He had to have. It's too much of a coincidence."

Sirius made no reply, and for a long time they stayed in silence.

Remus, lost in his own miserable thoughts, jumped when Sirius touched his shoulder. "What?"

"I said, the bed is ready."

"Oh. Thank you."

Sirius shrugged. "You're welcome to stay as long as you need. You know that."

"I hope I won't have to take you up on that."

* * *

Sirius waited until Remus had fallen into uneasy sleep before he grabbed his cloak and left his quarters.

He had no doubt Remus was right to suspect Snape, but it was too late to say 'I told you so', no matter how much he might want to. If anything happened to that baby, Remus would be heartbroken.

"I thought I told you --" Snape froze, staring at Sirius. "Black. What in bloody hell do you want?"

Sirius pushed the door open the rest of the way and came in, ignoring Snape's indignant glares. "Shut the door, Snape. I'm not leaving until I've said what I came here to say."

He looked around for a place to sit down, but every available space seemed to be taken up by stacks of books.

Snape glared at him for a few moments longer, then, as though resigning himself to the fact that there was no easy way to get rid of his unwanted guest, he shut the door and drew the bolt. "Say what you came to say, then. I don't have all night."

Sirius had no intention of wasting Snape's precious time. "Did you use this pregnancy to get Remus to marry you?"

"Of course I did."

Sirius stared. The one thing he had not expected was to have Snape admit it.

"Did you think," Snape continued, just as calmly, "that I would not use everything at my disposal to get what I want? You used Potter, after all, and that was as low as one can go on the scale of callousness."

An angry retort was on the tip of Sirius' tongue, but he recalled suddenly why he'd come. "Are you trying to weasel out of your part of the bargain now?"

Snape crossed his arms over his chest. "I've had this conversation once today, I have no intention of having it again."

"Remus is afraid for his child's life!" Sirius took two threatening steps toward Snape. "I don't expect you to understand that, of course. Nothing's changed, Snape. You still have a block of ice in place of a heart."

"I'm glad we cleared that up," Snape said, sneering. "Unless you have anything else you want to get off your chest --"

Sirius grabbed him by the front of his robes. He stopped just short of slamming Snape into the door. "I'm not leaving until I get the truth."

"What truth is that?"

"Are you trying to harm this baby?"

Snape twisted out of Sirius' grasp and began to brush the wrinkles out of his robes. "I suppose the two of you have put together your underdeveloped brains and come up with a reason I would do something so self-defeating?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "What are you going on about, Snape?"

"Clearly I once again overestimated your intelligence." Snape sniffed contemptuously before continuing. "Answer this, Black. What will Lupin do if I fail to produce the thing I dangled in front of his nose when other methods of courtship failed?"

"I can tell you what I'll do," Sirius muttered under his breath. Aloud he said, "He'll be shattered. He'll never forgive you."

"Is anything stopping him from leaving me?"

"Of course something is stopping him! You know the vows can't be broken!"

"You're right, Black. The fact that they can't is the only reason I'll sleep comfortably tonight, though I have no doubt Lupin is at this very moment licking his wounds in your quarters."

"What?"

Snape looked disgusted. "Have you any sense, Black? You might at least pretend."

Sirius made to grab Snape by the collar of his robes again, but Snape stepped out of reach.

"What I mean," Snape said, still in the same contemptuous tone, "is that very little is stopping Lupin from spending the rest of his natural life holed up in your quarters. No doubt the couch is comfortable enough. No doubt, also, that he will do exactly that, should I fail to deliver what I promised him."

Sirius stared at him suspiciously.

"You may tell him," Snape said, turning away, "that he is welcome to return... as soon as he agrees to cease interfering with my potions."

"I'm not finished!" Sirius protested, following him. "I want your word --"

Snape whipped around, causing Sirius to freeze in his tracks. "GET OUT OF MY QUARTERS."

Sirius took a cautious step back. Snape's hand was hovering over a pocket, and Sirius could see the outline his wand. Taking his own wand out -- let alone hexing Snape -- was hardly an option, no matter how much Snape might deserve it. "Fine. But you just remember the only thing keeping me from hexing you into next week is that baby. You do anything to it and I --"

Snape drew his wand.

Sirius swallowed the rest of his words, finishing instead with an derisive snort before pulling open the door and stalking out.

The door slammed behind him. The empty corridor echoed the sound until Sirius' ears rang.

Slowly, he unclenched his fists and took several deep breaths.

Dumbledore would have been proud. Quarter of an hour alone with Snape, and no one ended up unconscious or bleeding.

He started toward the dungeon stairs, muttering to himself. There was nothing worse than having no outlet for his animosity toward Snape. He couldn't even talk to Remus about it.

He was half-way up the dungeon staircase before his reverie was broken by the sound of running footsteps. He looked up just in time to see something fly at him.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!"

Sirius flailed his arms wildly, trying to keep from toppling backwards. "Calm down! I haven't done anything!"

Remus did not appear to have heard him. He proceeded to shake him until Sirius' bones rattled. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?!"

Sirius' head connected painfully with the wall, finally bringing him back to his senses. He grabbed Remus by the shoulders. "Will you calm down? You'll bring half the castle running!"

At that, Remus did let him go, flinging him aside and running past him down the stairs.

Sirius ran after him. "Wait a minute!" Catching up to him, he grabbed Remus' arm. "Remus! Wait!"

Remus came to a dead halt. Sirius skidded into his back.

"What did you do, Sirius?"

Remus' voice was low, but Sirius didn't miss the warning tone. Another moment and he would be sprawled on the floor, covered in boils -- or worse. You could only push Remus so far.

"I just went to talk to him."

"I heard an explosion."

"He slammed the door."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm telling the truth. I went to talk to him, and he says he isn't trying to harm the baby."

Remus turned around slowly. His eyes were narrowed suspiciously. "And you believe him?"

Sirius shrugged. "What he says makes sense, I suppose. If he hurt the baby you would leave him."

Remus said nothing.

"It makes sense," Sirius repeated. "Look, he said you can come back if you promise not to get in the way of his potions. Maybe you should just leave him alone. I don't think he's likely to poison himself by accident, and you can't prevent him from doing it on purpose."

Remus turned and walked away from him.

Sirius trailed after him, not sure if he should say anything more. Still undecided, he stopped at the corner, while Remus continued.

Remus knocked and waited at the door. He didn't look back at Sirius.

If Snape wouldn't let Remus in...

The door was flung open. Sirius flattened himself against the wall.

There was silence. Finally, unable to stand it, Sirius peered around the corner.

Remus and Snape were staring at each other across the doorway. After what seemed like hours, Snape opened the door slightly wider and stepped aside.

Shaking his head, Sirius turned to leave.

Incredible, the things he put himself through!

* * *

Severus stole a glance in Lupin's direction.

The full moon had come and gone, leaving Lupin gaunt, pale, and silent. That morning, after being helped into bed, he hadn't made a sound as Severus applied the potion. And now, he merely sat leaning against the headboard, saying nothing, watching Severus with weary eyes.

The potion was coming out beautifully. It was the first one Severus had been able to brew in relative peace, without Lupin's hysterics distracting him at every turn. For the first time, Lupin was doing just what Severus had been demanding -- leaving Severus and his potions well enough alone.

It should have made Severus happy.

Scowling, he turned back to his cauldron.

Was it his imagination, or had Lupin just sighed heavily? Severus refused to look.

He poured in minced scarabs and watched carefully as the potion turned a shade darker. Next, the rat's liver. The potion boiled furiously.

"You can stop your sighing. The potion is done. I haven't managed to kill myself or the fetus."

Silence.

Severus chose to turn his attention to filling the four glass flasks he had lined up on his work table. If Lupin didn't feel like talking, that wasn't Severus' problem.

He carried the flasks to the potions cabinet and stowed them inside. He emptied and cleaned the cauldron, hanging it on the rack to dry.

Finally, he turned to look at Lupin. "Has the restorative helped, or do you need another dose?"

Lupin smiled weakly. "It helped."

"You look like death warmed over. What is the matter with you?"

No answer.

"Are you ill?"

Lupin shook his head.

"I will not play guessing games with you," Severus said irritably.

"The summer is half-way over."

Severus looked Lupin over suspiciously. "Your point?"

"Will we stay at Hogwarts the entire holiday?"

"Where else would we go? If you wish to spend time with Black and Potter, you are welcome to go."

"No. I had hoped you would take me to see your home."

Severus remembered, then. He had mentioned the old place at Spinner's End to Lupin, hadn't he? Well, under no circumstance would he let Lupin see those decrepit ruins.

"I've decided to sell it."

"Sell it?"

"It's too isolated, and requires too much restoration. We will buy a home closer to Hogwarts. Perhaps in Hogsmeade, or one of the new villages." Sudden inspiration hit. "In fact, why don't you begin searching for a suitable house? I believe the Prophet still runs classifieds."

He watched while Lupin took the day-old paper out of a drawer and began to leaf through it. Maybe that would keep the man busy for a while. Satisfied, he returned to his work. He still had a wart balm to brew for Pomfrey and a lesson plan to prepare. He wasn't going to allow the young twit McGonagall had hired to take over Potions class the next year to actually have run of things.

"How would you feel about spending a week at the seashore, Severus?"

Severus looked up, scowling. Apparently, Lupin wasn't done with him. "What?"

Lupin held up the paper. "There's an ad for a cabin. It looks beautiful."

"You're determined to take me from my work, aren't you?"

"We agreed you would take it easy once the school year ended. You are officially on leave, Severus."

Severus gritted his teeth. In the last three weeks, he had prepared no more than a dozen potions. If that was not taking it easy...!

"How long has it been since you've taken a real holiday?" Lupin went on. "I know it's been years for me."

Lupin was master at playing the pity card. Severus steeled himself. "Do we not have anything more worthwhile to spend our hard-earned money on than a week's rent on some drafty shack?"

"Come look at it, before you judge."

Severus waved him off. Lupin wasn't going to give up, he could see. "Fine. Rent it. We will spend a week at the seashore, if that's what you wish."

Lupin's face broke into a wide smile. "You won't regret it, Severus. You'll see."

Severus was already regretting it, but that exuberant look was so rarely seen on Lupin's face, he didn't have the heart to say so.

* * *

The cabin stood just a few yards from where the waves broke against the shore. Remus set down their bags on the porch and breathed in the salty air. He was convinced a week away from Hogwarts and its gloomy dungeons would do them both some good.

Snape appeared behind him.

"What do you think, Severus? Isn't it beautiful?"

Snape scanned the scene in front of them. "I'm sure it is," he said without much enthusiasm.

"Even you must see that it is."

Snape grunted noncommittally.

"The dungeons will still be there when we get back."

"Did I imply otherwise?"

Remus turned, encircling Snape's waist with his arms. "No. I'm sure this place will grow on you." He kissed Snape lightly on the cheek. "And I'm happy wherever you are."

Snape shook off the embrace. "All this sentimentality, Remus. Honestly." He bent down to pick up one of the suitcases. "Let's go inside."

Remus snatched the suitcase out of his hand. "I'll take that. You go on ahead."

It earned him a scowl, but at least Snape didn't argue.

Remus took one last look at the calm ocean before following Snape inside.

He was determined to make the best he could of that week. Poppy had said, after all, that fresh air was good for the baby.

The cabin was small. Just one bedroom, and the front room and kitchen were separated only with a thin curtain. Still, it was larger than Remus' own house had been, and cheerier than Snape's dungeon quarters. He could still hear the waves, even with the door shut.

"What are you doing?" Snape demanded.

Remus threw open the next window and grinned at him. "Fresh air, Severus, remember?"

* * *

Severus lay on his back, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling.

How had he allowed Lupin to talk him into this?

His dungeons were dark at night. And quiet. Here...

Every few minutes, a beam of light, cast by a lighthouse on the cliff not far from the cabin, swept across the windows.

The wind howled. The waves lapped at the shore, ceaselessly rolling, roaring...

An owl hooted somewhere close. Severus scowled. Lupin must have left a window open, for the night sounds to be so loud.

He was about to get up to look, when he felt an odd fluttering in his stomach.

Merlin. Not that again. Hadn't he spent enough mornings bent over a toilet?

He waited for the familiar twisting that preceded bile rising in his throat.

Instead, something thumped against his stomach.

From the inside.

Compulsively, Severus' hands grasped his belly, seeking out the movement.

He had read the material Pomfrey had recommended, of course, but until then, he hadn't been able to imagine the odd sensation of something moving inside him.

The baby, moving.

He turned his head, looking at Lupin.

In the dim light, he could see Lupin's face was relaxed in sleep, his hair fanned out around his head like a halo.

Another thump, to the side this time.

"Remus," Severus said, prodding him in the ribs. "Wake up."

Lupin's eyes snapped open with the swiftness of one used to being roused at any hour of night to deal with crisis. "Severus? Is something wrong?"

Severus found one of Lupin's hands under the duvet, and placed it on top of his belly, covering it with his own and holding it there. He waited.

Lupin's eyes widened. "Is... that?" He sat up, his other hand quickly joining the one Severus held. "Is it...?"

"I'm no expert," Severus said, "but I'm at a loss as to what else it could be."

He studied the awed expression on Lupin's face as Lupin bent down to press one ear to his navel. All that fuss over a little fluttering... but he was sure now that he had done right to wake Lupin.

A few more minutes, and the baby stilled. Severus assumed it either tired of its game or had returned to sleep.

Looking reluctant, Lupin sat up. "That was..." He seemed to search for words, finally sighing deeply. "I never expected anything quite so splendid."

Severus bit back a snort. "I imagine it will make itself known regularly now. You will be tired of it soon enough."

"Never," Lupin said emphatically. "It was truly beautiful, Severus."

Severus opened his mouth to reply, and found it instead covered with Lupin's.

"What was that for?"

Lupin smiled, settling back against the pillows. "For sharing this with me."

* * *

The dungeons were indeed still there when they got back from their holiday.

There were potions to be brewed and lesson plans to be written. Severus got to work the very afternoon they arrived.

To his surprise, Lupin said not one word against it, commenting only that the nurse would probably want to see them. After unpacking, he left their quarters, mumbling something about the library.

Severus set to work. If Lupin had finally abandoned his irritable hovering, who was Severus to waste the opportunity to get some work done in peace?

The baby was quiet that day, as well. Severus knew it would not last, and as he had grown tired of the near-constant fluttering and thumping he had endured all that week, not to mention Lupin's infernal fussing over it, he was enjoying the lull.

Severus had just bottled the boil reducing salve and set it to cool when the door opened and Lupin stumbled in, bent over under the weight of some sort of wooden crate.

"Am I interrupting?" Lupin panted from behind his burden. Apparently, it was heavy.

"No."

"Wonderful! Come to the bedroom."

Severus followed as Lupin disappeared into the next room. He stopped in the doorway, watching suspiciously. "What is that?"

Lupin set it down. "Take a look. Where should we put it?"

Severus stared in disgust at the thing he had taken for a crate. It was, unmistakably, a cradle, carved out of dark wood, with runes set along the top edge.

"Here?" Lupin went on, pushing the cradle next to their bed. "Or in the corner?"

"Storage," Severus said shortly, biting back any number of scathing remarks. "You are not to turn our bedroom into a nursery."

Lupin looked hurt. "Minerva was kind enough to give this to us, Severus. I'm not going to put it into storage." He frowned. "Just where do you plan on putting the baby, if not here?"

Severus was tempted to say 'Storage,' just to see Lupin's reaction, but upon consideration decided the question was a valid one, and the issue would be best settled at once, while he still had some control over it. "There is no shortage of empty rooms on this level. There is a suitable one on the other side of that wall. I'm certain Hagrid won't mind installing a door."

He could see quite plainly that Lupin did not like the idea, but after a few moments he nodded. "That's fine. I'll ask him tonight."

Severus sighed heavily as Lupin bent over the cradle again.

He knew what this was. Every book he had read claimed would-be parents went through this phase sometime toward the end of the pregnancy.

Lupin was nesting.

And unless half a dozen reputable authorities on the subject were terribly mistaken, it was only going to get worse.

* * *

"Thank you again, Hagrid," Remus called after the departing man.

Shutting the door, he turned around to survey the addition to their quarters.

A doorway now led from the bedroom to another, smaller, room. Remus had decided against an actual door, for the time being. What possible reason could they have for closing it? If he'd had his way, the baby would be in the bedroom, not in another room. But Snape...

Well, one had to make allowances. Snape probably wasn't used to small children, having been an only child and having spent his adult life teaching children no younger than eleven years. Likely he didn't realize how much attention an infant required.

"I hope the room is satisfactory?"

Remus nodded, forcing a smile. "Yes. It's more than adequate. Now, how shall we decorate? I was thinking --"

"You may do with it as you please. Buy whatever you think is needed."

"Don't you care how the room will turn out?"

Snape turned his back to him, beginning to undress. "No."

Remus frowned. "I thought it would be something we could do together."

"I have more important things to spend my time on. Let's not discuss it. Are you coming to bed?"

Still frowning, Remus stripped and climbed into bed. "Don't you think --"

"No."

"You didn't let me finish."

Snape turned to look at him. "As I said, I'm not interested in decorating the nursery. If you require assistance, I'm sure you will have no trouble finding someone." He turned away, reaching for the lamp. "Anyone but Black. I don't want the mutt in here."

Remus sighed in defeat. Clearly Snape was not going to change his mind. "All right. I will let you know before I make any radical changes."

"That's not necessary."

Remus gritted his teeth and said nothing.

"Good night," Snape said, leaning down to kiss him.

"Good night, Severus."

Long after Snape's breathing became steady, Remus lay in the dark, thinking.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus got out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping Lupin, and made his way into the bathroom.

In front of the full-length mirror, he took off his nightshirt and scowled at his protruding belly.

In the middle of the night, the damn little parasite had reached the next stage of its development. It was leaching his magic, taking what it wanted straight out of Severus' bloodstream.

Severus took out his wand and cast a few simple levitating charms, making the soap dish and the water glass rise to the ceiling.

The little devil was hungry. Severus felt the drain immediately, or rather, the odd pulling sensation, like a very weak portkey, deep inside himself.

At least it wasn't a squib, then. With Lupin's doubtful pedigree added to his own, there had been that possibility.

Magical children, even before birth, could not help but be drawn to sources of magic. Even those carried by Muggles exhibited changes in behavior when the parent who carried them inadvertently came into contact with a magical object. It was only natural that a child surrounded by magic would take advantage of it.

Severus' breath caught as a hard kick caught him off guard. His scowl deepened.

At this rate, Pomfrey would have him on bed rest in no time.

"Severus? Everything all right?"

Damn.

"Yes," he said, turning on the water. "Everything is fine."

He could tell Lupin hadn't moved away from the door. Waiting to pounce the second Severus came out, no doubt. Between Lupin and the baby, it was amazing he was still sane.

He dressed, taking his time, before opening the door.

"Minerva invited us to breakfast," Lupin said immediately.

Severus nodded. He had been trying to avoid accepting the Headmistress' invitation all that week, but he'd known he couldn't avoid it forever. "Fine."

Lupin peered closer at him, making Severus feel like a bug under a magnifying lens. "Are you feeling all right? You look tired."

Severus shot him a withering glare and pushed past him. "The baby kicked all night."

Lupin had the audacity to look sympathetic. "I'm sorry. Maybe we should ask to reschedule --"

"No. Best get it over with now."

He could feel Lupin's eyes on him, studying him.

The last thing he needed was for Lupin to find out the baby had made the connection -- at least a month early -- and demand he see Pomfrey at once.

"All right," Lupin said finally. "If you're sure you feel up to it."

Severus stiffened under another kick to the ribs. "Perfectly."

* * *

"What wrong with Snape?"

Remus looked up from the paper, frowning. "What do you mean?"

Sirius shrugged. "Saw him in the staffroom just now. Asleep." He paused, then shrugged again. "I think."

Flinging the paper aside, Remus was off, completely deaf to Sirius' calls after him.

Snape was asleep. Still panting from his run, Remus bent over him, studying his steady breathing.

Maybe he should have asked Minerva to reschedule, he thought guiltily. He'd seen Snape wasn't feeling well that morning.

Not knowing what else to do, he sat down in the chair next to Snape.

"Are you going to just sit there now?"

Remus looked up, narrowing his eyes at Sirius. "That wasn't amusing, Sirius. Don't ever do that to me again."

"Sorry," Sirius said, not looking particularly repentant. He sat down on the overstuffed couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "So. Just going to sit here and watch him?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. That's exactly what I'm going to do."

Sirius made a disgusted face.

"What?" Remus asked suspiciously. "Let me guess. You can think of a dozen things you think I should rather do."

"More like a hundred," Sirius said, smirking. "Though he does look somewhat amusing with his mouth hanging open like that."

Remus glared at him.

"Cut the death glare, Moony," Sirius said, completely unperturbed. "I know the git's rubbing off on you, but you just aren't very scary."

Remus sniffed in annoyance and picked up a magazine. Sometimes ignoring Sirius was the best course of action. "Don't you have anything else to do?"

"Nope," Sirius said, stretching and leaning back against the couch. "Harry's off with the Weasleys for the rest of the week."

"Don't you have a lesson plan to write?"

Sirius snorted. "Oh, come on. I have a whole week before classes start, and it's not like anyone learns anything the first few weeks."

Remus said nothing. Of course Sirius would leave something as important as a lesson plan to the very last minute. When Remus was a teacher, he --

Well, that wasn't a very good subject for thought, was it? Remus shook his head to chase away the memories. He wasn't a Hogwarts professor anymore, and never would be again.

"Something wrong?"

Remus shook his head again. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"About the baby?"

Remus looked up. "What?"

"That's all you ever think about these days."

"Actually," Remus said slowly, "I was thinking about how little I'm contributing."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "What are you going on about?"

Remus only shook his head.

"Come on. Tell me."

"It's just that..."

Sirius leaned forward expectantly.

"I don't work. I don't make any money at all. I have no savings..."

"So what?"

"Don't you see? I moved into his rooms. I'm making him carry my baby. What am I doing for him?"

"Hey, he's the one who wanted you. He's got what he wanted."

"You know that's not what I meant. He's doing all the work. I'm useless. If he'd just let me help..."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What work? Sleeping all day? You call that work?"

Remus glared at him and returned to his magazine.

"Fine, don't listen to me," Sirius said. "But if you ask me, you're putting up with more than you should."

* * *

Severus opened one eye a crack and took a quick look around.

Lupin was still in the chair next to him, half-hidden behind a magazine. Black was gone.

He pulled himself up, clearing his throat. "Why didn't you wake me?"

Lupin startled, almost dropping the magazine. He cleared his throat nervously. "I thought you could use some rest."

Severus scowled at him. "In the staffroom in the middle of the day?"

Lupin shrugged, looking at a loss.

Severus stood up, gathering the book he had been reading before the sudden need for sleep overtook him. "Never mind. The day is not wholly lost."

Lupin trailed after him out of the staffroom. "Was there something you wanted to do today, Severus?"

"I thought you wanted to work on the nursery. If you've changed your mind, I can certainly find other things to occupy my time."

Behind him, Lupin's footsteps halted. "I-I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with that."

Severus sniffed derisively, not pausing to wait for Lupin to catch up with him. "I'm not about to leave it up to you. Just now I had the most hideous vision of red walls and Gryffindor banners."

"But... you said..."

"I changed my mind," Severus said, turning to scowl at him. "Is there a problem?"

"No. No, of course not. I'm glad you want to be involved."

Sniffing derisively once more for good measure, Severus continued down the dungeon staircase, ignoring Lupin.

What a waste of a perfectly good afternoon. He could have spent it going one final time over the instructions he had prepared for the temporary Potions instructor, who was due to arrive within days. Instead, he was going to watch Lupin hang curtains and lay rugs.

But he couldn't let Lupin continue complaining to Black, could he? What did Lupin think he was doing, talking about their relationship behind his back?

Severus jerked open the door to his quarters, and stalked into the bedroom, then into the still barren nursery. "Well? What plans have you made?" he demanded, fixing Lupin with an impatient look.

"I... er... haven't made any plans yet," Lupin said, scratching his head. "I haven't had time. Is there something you want to see done?"

Severus turned to survey the room more closely.

"Get rid of those portraits," he said finally, pointing at two large gilded frames, whose occupants seemed to have gone for the moment.

Obediently, Lupin removed the portraits, leaving them leaning against one wall.

"The drapes are hideous."

Lupin took them down carefully, catching the cloud of dust with a flick of his wand. Another flick, and the drapes vanished altogether.

"The whole room will need to be scrubbed from floor to ceiling. The walls could use a fresh coat of paint."

Lupin nodded. "Yes. Do you happen to know where Filch keeps the paint?"

Severus stared at him in disgust. "Don't be ridiculous. This is work for house-elves. We can't do anything more today."

"We can pick out the colors."

"Not red."

"Not green."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Did I suggest green?"

Lupin held up his hands defensively. "I didn't say you did. Perhaps a neutral shade of off-white? Or a nice light blue?"

"Off-white," Severus said flatly, turning to leave. "Fine."

Lupin trotted after him. "I'll arrange it. Would you like to choose furniture? And a rug?"

Severus halted in the doorway, forcing down his rising temper. "I believe there is a suitable shop in Hogsmeade. But it's too late to go today."

"Of course. Tomorrow, perhaps?"

"Tomorrow," Severus said reluctantly. Another day sacrificed.

Lupin seemed satisfied enough. Retiring to his study, Severus looked up occasionally to see him immersed in catalogues and magazines, which lay spread over the coffee table.

Lupin had nothing to complain about. What a ridiculous mood the man had got himself into!

Severus frowned, pushing aside his inkwell and quill and staring gloomily at his hands. Somehow, he had to make it clear to Lupin that he was not interested in sharing the care of the infant he currently carried. As soon as it was out, it would become Lupin's problem, and he had no intention of bothering about it again.

He had thought Lupin would be only too glad to have the thing to himself. He was the one who had wanted it, after all.

Now, given Lupin's behavior throughout the pregnancy and especially over the previous few days, he wasn't so certain.

He only hoped Lupin didn't harbor some mad expectation of caring for it together.

* * *

Remus stood in the doorway, out of the way, and watched the house-elves at work.

Less than two hours, and the room had been cleaned and painted. Now two house-elves were polishing the wood floor, bringing some life and shine back into the faded boards.

Looking at the empty room in front of him, he could almost imagine the way it would look once it was finished.

The cradle, of course, would be at the center, away from the fireplace and possible drafts coming from the door. There would be a soft rug on the floor, and a couch against the far wall, in case either he or Snape needed to spend the night by the baby's side. A rocking chair by the fireplace, and some colorful pictures...

"I see the work is coming along."

Remus startled out of his reverie. "Yes. Do you like the color?"

"It's satisfactory."

Remus couldn't help noticing that Snape wasn't even looking at the room.

"Are you coming to bed?" Snape asked. "If you want to leave early tomorrow, I suggest we turn in."

Remus nodded. This wasn't the time or the place to question Snape's behavior. "Yes."

Minutes later, settled comfortably against the pillows, he took a closer look at Snape.

Snape was frowning over a small stack of papers, mindless of Remus' attention. One hand rested lightly over the curve of his abdomen.

Remus smiled, shaking his head lightly.

What was wrong with him? Why did he keep doubting Snape's intentions? Hadn't everyone he'd confided in -- including Sirius, who certainly had no reason to take Snape's side -- told him he was worrying too much?

Of course Snape loved and wanted their baby. It was just his way to be distant and unemotional. Remus had known that at the onset of their relationship, and it was illogical to expect Snape to change. Didn't Minerva warn him that many relationships floundered for that very reason? One shouldn't expect one's partner to change. After all, hadn't he come to love Snape just the way he was, sneers and scowls and all?

Pushing aside his doubts, Remus leaned over to kiss Snape lightly. "Good night, Severus."

Snape barely looked up. "I've set the alarm for seven. Good night."

Remus couldn't keep back another small sigh. He reminded himself that Snape had always focused on the practical aspects of things.

Having reassured himself for the moment, he settled down and shut his eyes, falling asleep to the sound of Snape's breathing and the occasional rustling of parchment.

* * *

"This one, then," Remus said, pulling a striped cushion off the shelf. "It matches the curtains."

"It's garish."

"I like it."

Snape gave him a particularly withering look. "I thought you had more taste."

"We need something to brighten up the room. Everything we've chosen so far is much too dark."

Rolling his eyes, Snape took the cushion from him and shoved it into the hands of a waiting clerk. "Fine. I'm tired of arguing with you."

Pursing his lips, Remus followed him down the isle.

Arguing. Is that what Snape called it?

True enough, they couldn't agree on anything. Not the color of the curtains, not the pattern on the rug... not even whether the rocking chair should be oak or cherry wood.

But that was to be expected. Of course they had different tastes. So did Remus and Sirius, but they always managed to find middle ground. Sirius had appreciated Remus' help in decorating his house, even though Remus would never live there now.

Snape wanted things done his way, and his way only.

Why had Remus ever thought this would help them bond over the impending birth of their child? He must have been out of his head.

"I like the blue one," he said, seeing Snape pick up a beige and white checkered quilt.

"This will match the walls," Snape said, adding the quilt to their purchases. "And the baby may be female. Have you considered that?"

"She might like blue," Remus muttered, trailing after Snape, who had not waited for an answer.

* * *

"Just for a moment. Come on. What harm could it do? He'll never even know I was here."

Remus hesitated. How many times had Snape told him he didn't want Sirius in their quarters?

"He's busy turning that poor Churchill fellow into even more of a nervous wreck than he was to begin with. Trust me, he won't be back for a while. I want to see the room."

Remus relented. He did want Sirius to see the nursery, and it was Remus, after all, who had talked of nothing else for days. Besides, if Snape had cornered the new temporary Potions professor, it could he hours before he returned. "All right. But just for a few minutes. You know he'll be livid if he finds out I let you in."

"You worry too much."

Remus stood back, letting Sirius in, then led him to the bedroom. "It's through there."

Sirius stopped just inside the doorway. "Not green. I'm shocked."

Remus pushed him gently farther into the room. "See the cradle? It's been in the McGonagall family for seven generations."

"Impressive."

Remus waited while Sirius walked slowly around the room, sometimes reaching out to touch items that interested him. Finally, Sirius made the full circle. "So? What do you think?"

Sirius opened his mouth, but seemed to suddenly change his mind.

"What?" Remus demanded. "What were you going to say?"

"Hey!" Sirius held up his hands defensively. "I like it. I do." He paused, looking at Remus wearily. "Did you choose any of it?"

"Of course I did. I chose --" Remus wheeled around and pointed at the curtains and cushions -- "those! And the couch! And that pitcher I saved from my own house!"

"All right, all right! I just thought it didn't look to your taste, that's all."

Remus glared at him. Sirius might be correct in his guess that most of the items in the room had been chosen by Snape, but he had no right to imply that Remus had let Snape walk all over him. Just because Remus was quicker to compromise...

"I'm sorry, all right?" Sirius said, shrugging. "It's a nice room."

Remus let out a slow breath. "Yes, well..."

There was an awkward silence.

"I should probably go," Sirius said finally. "Churchill's probably cracked by now, and you know Snape loses interest once they've turned into a gibbering mess."

Remus smiled weakly. "He does look like he might be prone to that. Go, then. I'll see you at dinner tonight."

"It's a fine room, Remus," Sirius said, clapping him on the shoulder. "Really."

Remus walked with him to the door, and stuck his head out to see that the hallway was empty. "All clear. Go on."

He watched until Sirius had made it safely as far as the staircase, then shut the door and sank into a chair by the fireplace.

Sirius didn't understand.

He did like the room, even if the majority of the items in it had been chosen by Snape. What did it matter who chose a rug or a chair? They were just things. Not important.

What worried him more was how hard compromise came.

Remus was used to giving others their way. He didn't like confrontation and petty bickering. If Snape thought an oak chair was better than a cherry one, was that really worth fighting over?

But those were just things. Would Remus be pushed aside the same way when it came to caring for their child?

The baby was too important to Remus for him to just stand back, like he had done much of the time in the shops. Would they constantly butt heads as a result, bickering over every decision and every detail?

He couldn't help recalling how James and Lily went about readying their home for Harry's arrival. So happy. So eager. Never a fight about anything.

They had parented that way, too, as far as he could remember. Always considerate of each other. Accepting the differences and sharing the responsibilities.

Remus and Snape couldn't even agree on whether the bloody rug should be square or oval. How could he hope they would agree on more important matters?

Suddenly, he shook his head firmly.

This wasn't the way to think. Especially not behind Snape's back. If he had concerns, he would voice them.

The lock clicked, alerting him to Snape's arrival. He got to his feet, looking quickly around to make sure there was no evidence that Sirius had been there.

Snape stalked in, carrying a pile of papers and books.

Remus rushed to him. "You shouldn't be carrying all that!"

Fixing him with a nasty look, Snape veered away, avoiding his grasp, and headed for the study.

Undeterred, Remus followed. "What is all that?"

Depositing his load on the desk, Snape turned around and leaned against the edge. "You would not believe that man's lesson plans. What was McGonagall thinking when she hired him?"

"At least give him a chance."

Snape's scowl deepened.

Remus sighed. If Snape was determined to make things harder on himself, nothing was going to change his mind. Remus had suspected all along that getting Snape to take medical leave was not going to be a wholly successful venture. "All right. Keep an eye on him. But at least promise me you will not attempt to brew potions."

The look Snape gave him was murderous.

"Promise me," Remus repeated firmly. This was one thing he would not back down on. The nurse had made it clear the last months of pregnancy were the most crucial.

After a long, tense moment, Snape nodded.

* * *

Severus woke up to find Lupin's head resting on his stomach.

Almost automatically, his hand reached out and his fingers tangled in Lupin's hair.

"Mmm. You're awake?"

Severus snatched his hand back. "I am. What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to wake up so we can have our row."

"What?"

Lupin raised his head and turned to look at him. "Why in bloody hell didn't you tell me the baby was draining your magic?"

They had been together long enough for Severus to recognize that tone. Lupin wasn't going to be dismissed with a few scowls and sneers this time.

"There was no reason to tell you. The connection is weak. It doesn't interfere with --"

"Like hell! I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling it pull at me. If it could do that to me, straight across the bed, I can only imagine what it must be doing to you!"

"It's doing nothing to me," Severus said as calmly as he could manage. "There is no evidence that such a connection is in any way detrimental, aside from sapping some of my energy. A short nap during the day --"

"But you haven't been resting at all! You've taken on more work than we agreed you could, you haven't seen Poppy in a week, and you've been staying up with that blasted book -- I knew I should have put my foot down about that!"

Severus wriggled out from under Lupin's arms, which had thus far kept him pinned to the bed. "I saw no reason to rest when I wasn't tired. Now, let me up."

"No. You're not going anywhere."

Pulling himself into a sitting position, Severus leaned against the headboard and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're being unreasonable."

"You gave me your word you would tell me if anything like this happened! Did you think I wouldn't want to know when you've entered the last stage of pregnancy?"

"It is hardly the last stage. The baby is not due for months."

Lupin narrowed his eyes. "I assume you haven't told Poppy, either?"

Severus shook his head.

"You're going to tell her now," Lupin said. "Get dressed."

As much as Severus grumbled, several minutes later he was sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, watching Pomfrey fuss over a tray of instruments.

"This is completely unnecessary."

Lupin glared at him. Pomfrey clucked like a hen and shook her head.

"You are not putting me on bed rest," Severus continued when he had received no reply. "There is nothing wrong with me."

More clucking. And now the nurse was waving her wand over him, holding a large crystal in her other hand. Severus didn't like the looks of it.

"I will not be treated like a first-year who fell off his broom. I have no intention --"

"Be quiet and let her do her job."

Severus stared at him. Sometimes he forgot Lupin had it in him to take charge of a situation.

Pomfrey finished her examination and proceeded to frown in a most disconcerting way.

"Well?" Severus demanded impatiently. "What is it?"

"I found evidence of considerable strain on almost all of your systems. The rate of deterioration is quite rapid, given the fact that I last examined you only eight days ago."

Lupin was glaring at him again.

Severus remained silent.

"I'm afraid," Pomfrey continued, "that you will have to confine yourself to your quarters, if not bed, Severus."

"Impossible."

"I must insist," Pomfrey said. "Do not forget I have the power to order you on bed rest. The documents you signed, putting yourself and your unborn child under my care, give me that right. Please don't make me have to enforce our agreement."

"I believe you are doing just that."

Pomfrey nodded slowly. "Please don't make this any harder on any of us. In a few weeks all of this will be over and you will be able to return to your regular duties."

"A few weeks," Severus grumbled. "Some of us need to brush up on our addition. It is quite more than 'a few weeks' until my due date."

"The time will pass quicker than you believe," Pomfrey said, patting him on the shoulder. "You should try to enjoy yourself. Perhaps take up a new hobby. Once the baby comes, you will find no energy and even less time for your interests."

Severus bit back a scathing retort. Pomfrey had no idea what she was talking about. It was Lupin, not him, who would have no time and no energy. Severus would have just as much time for his interests as he had before. He had no intention of wasting any of it on a useless infant.

"Now," Pomfrey said in her most irritating, falsely cheerful voice, "will you let Remus take you back?"

At once, Lupin appeared at his side, trying to help him off the bed.

Severus jerked his elbow out of Lupin's grasp. "Fine. But I'm walking there without anyone's assistance."

Defeat was not easy to admit, but what could he do? He knew from personal experience that the nurse had a vindictive streak in her. Ignore her recommendations, and you were likely to end up strapped to a hospital bed until she deemed you fit to be released.

"I suppose you got what you wanted," he said to Lupin as soon as the hospital doors shut behind them.

"It's not my fault you ignored her warnings, Severus."

"I did nothing of the kind. This is completely unreasonable. I do not need any more rest than I've been getting."

Lupin, who had started toward the stairs, stopped and turned toward him, his lips pulled into a thin line of determination. "Nonetheless, you will be getting more rest from now on. Even if I must confiscate your wand to ensure you remain in our rooms."

* * *

Remus knocked on Sirius' office door and waited.

"Ow!" The door sprang open, and Sirius, who was rubbing his shin, beckoned him inside. "Watch the boxes."

Remus looked around disdainfully. The office was a mess. Worse, even, than what had been left behind the previous year. Stacks of books, boxes overflowing with what looked like ungraded student essays, and piles of magical objects crowded the small space. The desk was buried under rolls of parchment. "Having a bit of trouble here, Sirius?"

"No," Sirius said, scowling. "No trouble at all."

Remus picked his way carefully to the visitor's chair. He'd known Sirius would revert back to his old habits once the motivation to stay organized was taken away, but he hadn't thought the change would come so quickly. "It's only the third week of classes. How many essays have you been assigning, to get this load?"

Sirius pushed around some of the papers in front of him, finally coming up with a battered record book. "Only two in each class so far. Most of these I assigned as punishment. I thought it would be more beneficial than handing out detentions." He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. "Besides, Filch won't take any more of mine, and you've got Snape confined..."

Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably. "That happens to be what I came here to talk to you about. I need a favor."

Sirius looked at him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"The full moon is tomorrow and I need you --" Remus held up a hand quickly, seeing Sirius about to protest -- "I need you to make sure Severus doesn't use the opportunity to do anything he shouldn't."

Sirius stared at him incredulously.

"Will you do it?"'

"Are you quite mad? You want me to baby-sit Snape? He'll blow Hogwarts to the moon if he gets wind of that."

"I just need you to stay outside the door -- you can transform for that -- and make sure he isn't brewing potions in there. You'll be able to smell it if he does."

"I don't know," Sirius said slowly. "What about you? If I'm lying under Snape's door, I can't be with you."

"It's all right. It's only one night. I'll stay in Hagrid's hut and play with Fang... maybe even get him to stick more than his nose out from under the bed this time. Please, Sirius?"

"Oh... all right," Sirius said grudgingly. "I'll do it. But only just this once."

"Thank you."

Sirius shrugged. "Your hide if he finds out."

"Of course," Remus said. Then he looked around. "If you like, I can help you with these essays."

Sirius brightened up instantly. "Would you? McGonagall's been after me all week."

"Just send them over, and I'll take care of them. I'll take a stack with me now."

Quickly, Sirius swept the papers off his desk into a large box. "Here."

Remus tucked the box under his arm and stood up. "I'll have them back to you tomorrow. Try to organize the rest by class."

"I appreciate this, Remus."

"And I appreciate you agreeing to look after Severus."

"I still think that isn't likely to end well."

"It's the only way I'll have any peace of mind all night. You wouldn't want me to lose my head again and try to get back into the castle?"

Sirius shrugged. "You're safe. It's not like anyone was hurt."

"We frightened a student half out of her mind, Sirius. Another incident like this, and it will get back to the Ministry, and then out I'll go."

Sirius cringed.

"Well," Remus said after a long pause. "I should go back. Good night."

He walked quickly back to the dungeons.

There was one obvious problem with trying to keep Snape inside. Remus himself couldn't step out for more than a few minutes. He had learned that lesson after coming back to a room smelling of sulphur and burned herbs, though there was no sign of the potion by then. From then on, he had taken his meals with Snape, excused himself from staff meetings, and put on hold his own research work.

Fool that he was, he had actually thought at the beginning that this would be their chance to spend quality time together. He had always resented the way Snape could hide behind a cauldron, ignoring him.

If anything, the situation had underscored their communication problem. Three weeks into Snape's confinement, they could barely speak two words to each other without ending in shouts.

Snape was in his study, reading a thick tome. He looked up and eyed Remus' box suspiciously, but did not speak.

"I'll be grading some essays for Sirius."

"Is the mutt incapable of handling even that small aspect of teaching?"

"He's got a bit behind, that's all."

Snape snorted and turned back to his book.

"I wish you wouldn't sulk, Severus."

Snape's head jerked up. "Sulk? I'm hardly sulking. Has that blasted nurse suggested I am no longer well enough to read a book?"

"Poppy only wants what's best for you and the baby. And no, she hasn't said anything about reading."

"In that case, leave me to it."

"But she did say something about getting a full night of sleep," Remus said firmly, depositing the box on the desk and then prying the book out of Snape's hands. "And it's past ten now."

Snape growled at him.

Undeterred, Remus marked the page, closed the book, and set it on the nearest shelf. "The book will still be here in the morning. Come to bed."

Snape didn't move.

"Please, Severus."

Grumbling, Snape started to pull himself up off the couch, batting away Remus' hand when he attempted to help. "I'm not an invalid."

"Of course not," Remus said with a heavy sigh. Why couldn't Snape accept even a bit of help? Always worrying about his precious reputation, no matter how ridiculous he looked in the process, compensating for the weight of his belly as he stood up.

He averted his eyes while Snape undressed. He had already once made the mistake of touching one of the pale, thin lines that stretched across Snape's belly.

The narrow window gave him a view of the night sky, and the moon that looked full, but wasn't quite.

"You've taken your potion?"

Remus nodded.

"You need the other."

"No," Remus said quickly. "We already had this discussion."

Ignoring him, Snape left the room. When he came back he had a glass full of red liquid.

"I said, I won't have you do this," Remus said, refusing the offered glass.

"Drink it."

Remus blinked. "What?"

"Drink it. Diluted with vinegar it's safe to ingest and has nearly the same effect."

Remus stared at him, his mind almost refusing to wrap around what he was hearing. "What?"

Snape shoved the glass into his hands. "Are you daft? Drink the damn potion."

Remus looked down at the potion and sniffed it tentatively. "You bastard. There was never any need to put me through all those tedious hours, was there?"

Turning his back to him, Snape climbed under the covers and spelled out the light on his bedside table. "Of course there was a need. It got you into my bed."

"You bastard," Remus repeated softly. Louder, he said, "Why keep up the charade? You knew I didn't want you sitting up for so long, but you said nothing. Do you know how guilty I felt every time I let you apply it?"

Snape made no answer.

"That was pure contrariness, wasn't it? You did that just to thumb your nose at --"

"Drink the potion and get in bed," Snape interrupted, turning his back to Remus. "I don't know why you insist on arguing about every small thing, but you tire me." He looked over his shoulder and smirked. "Wouldn't want that, would you?"

"Why do you do these things, Severus? One would think we're enemies instead of lovers. You go out of your way to defeat my best intentions, as if you think I mean you harm. I don't. When are you going to realize that?"

"When are you going to realize that I'm not one of your precious Gryffindors, to be coddled and held by the hand?"

Swallowing his bitter anger, Remus jerked off his robes and tossed them over a chair. "I never treated you like a child, except when you insisted on acting like one. If I left you to your own devices, you would have ignored everything Poppy said. I want what's best for our child. I also want what's best for you, even if you won't believe that. I'll do whatever is necessary."

Sniffing derisively, Snape turned away again. "You've made that perfectly clear."

The silence stretched as Remus stood, looking down at Snape, and battled with his frustration.

Finally, he raised the glass and downed the potion.

"Personally," Snape said without turning to look at him, "I would have taken it in small sips."

Remus, who had clutched the headboard for balance as the wave of heat washed over him, could only glare at him through watering eyes.

* * *

"That's the last of them," Sirius said, wiping his brow exaggeratedly. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

Remus looked at the stack of essays and shook his head. "I don't mind. It gives me something to do."

"Snape still grouchy?"

"His ankles are so swollen he's finally had to agree to stay in bed."

"Tough," Sirius said, though not sounding overly sympathetic. "Must be driving him up the wall."

"You know he hates being idle."

"If you ask me, it just gives him something to complain about."

"Yes, well... I better get back," Remus said. "I'll try to have these graded by morning."

"No hurry. I appreciate this, you know."

Remus smiled. Of course Sirius appreciated not having to do half his job. "I know."

He returned to the dungeons. Almost at the door, Pomfrey called to him from the other end of the hallway.

"I made this herbal tea blend especially for Severus," Pomfrey said as she caught up with him. She held out a small bag. "Just as well I ran into you. You take it in. He seems to be a bit upset with me these days."

"I'm sorry about that," Remus said. "I'll take it. Thank you."

She smiled. "Just a few more weeks now. But I don't have to tell you, do I? You must be crossing out the days."

Remus ducked his head sheepishly. "Twenty six."

"Pregnancy is not an exact science, you know," she said. "The baby could arrive later. Or sooner."

"I know," Remus said, frowning slightly. "Do you need to see Severus today?"

"No. He's doing fine. As long as he gets plenty of rest, I don't anticipate any problems."

"I'll see to it he stays in bed."

She nodded, turning to go. "Let me know how he enjoys the tea. I will be happy to make more."

"Thank you," Remus called after her.

Snape glared at him through the bedroom doorway as Remus came in. "What did Pomfrey want?"

"Back in bed, Severus," Remus said, setting down both Sirius' essays and the bag.

"I am in bed, or are you blind?"

"Lie down, then."

Snape snorted angrily and reached for his wand. The bedroom door slammed shut.

Remus sighed. Could he stand another month of this?

"Poppy made you some herbal tea, Severus," he called though the closed door. "Would you like me to make you a cup now?"

There was no answer.

Setting the kettle to boil, Remus sat down with a quill and the first of the essays. There was just no point trying to talk to Snape when he was in this mood.

He just wished he knew why Snape was so determined to make everything more difficult than it had to be.

* * *

Severus looked up from his book.

He couldn't hear Lupin in the next room, but he knew Lupin was still there, determined to make sure Severus stayed in bed and rested, like Pomfrey wanted.

He tossed the book aside.

Herbal tea. He supposed Lupin wouldn't be satisfied until he drank it. If Pomfrey did make it, it was probably terrible. The woman wasn't even capable of mixing a simple cough draught, and what could be simpler than that?

He looked at the clock, scowling when he counted the hours before the day's end. How could time pass so slowly?

He wasn't used to doing nothing. This sort of life was more suited for that mutt, Black. He couldn't imagine a more worthless and lazy creature. Having Lupin do all his work for him, while he spent his nights drunk in Hogsmeade, no doubt!

He rubbed his sore stomach, where the baby's feet had kept up a steady drumming all morning. Wouldn't it ever be over? He had never in his wildest nightmares thought pregnancy could last so long, or be so mind-numbingly dull. No nine month period in his life had ever dragged on so.

What he really wanted was the old Lupin back. He fondly recalled nights in the staffroom, when they would suddenly realize they had spent hours talking. No amount of time together had seemed like enough, especially if they were rudely interrupted just when Severus thought he had Lupin where he wanted him.

He'd even take back the fussing, coddling Lupin of his first trimester. At least the sex had kept time moving along.

Not that he expected Lupin to be interested in him now, when he looked like a bloated whale. And if he was, Pomfrey would probably put a quick end to that.

If it wasn't necessary to keep Lupin at arm's length, maybe he wouldn't be in this position. Maybe they could have discussed school affairs, at least, since Severus could no longer keep a close eye on his students and the incompetent worm who was teaching them.

But it had to be done. The experts -- who normally could not seem to agree on anything -- all claimed that the correct way to share parenting duties was to start out by respecting each other's right to make decisions concerning the child. The parents, the experts claimed, would make things easier on themselves if they would make an effort to work together, learning to compromise and divide the work load even before the child's arrival.

It stood to reason, then, that the more contrary and difficult Severus made himself now, the more likely Lupin would be thrilled to find him so willing to leave all things relating to their infant up to him.

Necessary. Yes. But terribly dull.

"Severus? Ready for your tea?"

"I don't want any tea," Severus muttered, looking up and glaring. "I told you that. Have you grown deaf?"

Apparently possessing the patience of a saint, Lupin simply set the tray down on the table and smiled. "Please try it. It smells wonderful."

Severus eyed the steaming cup.

"I will bring you some scones, if you like."

"Don't bother."

With a painful sigh, Lupin turned to go. "All right. Call me if you need anything. I'll be grading essays."

"Shut the door. There's a draft."

Lupin shut the door carefully behind himself. Any other man would have slammed it.

The tea was just as disgusting as Severus predicted. A quick spell drained the cup, leaving only a few tea leaves clinging to the bottom.

A look at the clock showed no significant forward movement.

Sighing impatiently, Severus reached for another book.

* * *

Remus crossed out the last day of October and replaced the calendar in the drawer.

"If you are not coming to bed, then at least turn down the light."

Deep breaths sometimes helped, and Remus took several before turning to face Snape. "Would you like me to massage your feet?"

"If you wish."

Remus smiled slightly. He knew Snape's ankles were still bothering him. He had never yet turned down a massage.

"Here we go," he said, spreading a thick glob of oil onto his hands. "You just lie back and relax."

Snape grumbled irritably, but quickly settled against the small mountain of pillows that had become necessary since the backaches began.

Rubbing slowly, Remus worked his way down to Snape's toes. "How's that?"

"Harder."

"Like this?"

Snape grunted, and Remus took that for a yes. This nightly ritual had become the one time they could talk -- if one could call this conversation -- without being at each other's throats.

"You know, Poppy says the baby could come any day now. It's important that you pay attention to any --"

"Believe me," Snape said, opening his eyes to glare at him, "if anyone wants this thing out as soon as possible, it's me. I won't miss the signs."

"It hasn't been so bad, has it?" Remus asked, continuing to rub soothingly. "I know you don't like staying in bed, but --"

"That's enough," Snape said, pulling his feet under the duvet. "Thank you."

Remus let the conversation drop. Snape was tired, achy, and cranky. Of course he couldn't find anything good about the pregnancy just then. "All right. Do you want another blanket?"

"No."

Remus undressed and got in bed, snuffing the oil lamp. In the darkness, all he could see of Snape was an oddly shaped mass on the other side of the bed.

"Severus?"

"What is it?"

"Are you sorry you agreed to this?"

"Don't be stupid. Would I rather have lost you to Black?"

"That's not what I meant at all."

There was a long silence. Remus only knew Snape wasn't asleep by his unsteady breathing.

"No."

Remus turned toward him, though he could see in the dark. "What?"

"I'm not sorry I agreed to this. This is what you wanted all your life, and if I could give that to you, then I'm glad I found out about it in time."

Remus pulled himself up into a sitting position. "Then you admit you never wanted the baby. You found out I wanted it and you used that knowledge."

"Of course I did. You knew that."

"But you want it now, don't you?" Remus heard a hint of desperation creep into his own voice. It was nothing compared to what he was feeling. "You _want_ the baby now?"

There was another silence, and Remus waited in breathless distress.

"Of course I do."

"Do you?"

"It's our child. Don't you think I would want it? If anything, it is the fruit of our... relationship. And if it happens to be a male child..."

"Then what?"

"Then I will have an heir. I may not have a lot to leave, in terms of material possessions, but still."

"And if the baby is a girl?"

Snape shifted in bed, turning onto his side and away from Remus. "Then we will have a daughter, and you will have something besides me to fuss over. Now go to sleep, Remus. You are the one always urging me to get my rest. Do you intend to keep me up all night with these ridiculous questions?"

"No," Remus said, forcing the words out past the tightness in his chest. "Good night, Severus."

"Good night."

As usual, Snape dropped off to sleep momentarily.

Remus, afraid to move and disturb him, lay silently in the dark, unable to stop the thoughts that kept him wide awake until dawn.


	5. Chapter 5

"What have I done, Sirius?" Remus moaned, covering his face with his hands. "How could I have been so stupid?"

Sirius patted him awkwardly on the back.

"I was selfish," Remus continued miserably. "I didn't think about Severus, and I didn't think about the baby. I caused an unwanted child to enter this world."

"What do you mean _unwanted_? You want it, don't you? Any kid would be lucky to have you for a parent!" Sirius paused, making a face. "Even with Snape for another."

Remus only moaned again.

"Come on, Remus. You can't let Snape get to you."

"He just told the truth."

"You don't know that. Snape says a lot of things you need to take with a grain of salt. He never says anything unless it suits him, somehow. Besides, he might like the baby once it's born. I didn't like Harry much until I saw him, you know."

Remus raised his head. "You didn't?"

"I didn't see what all the fuss was about. It was just a lump under Lily's robes, as far as I was concerned."

"Yes... well, you weren't the one carrying Harry. Feeling like that about your own baby can't be normal."

"This is Snape we're talking about. Normal for him is not what's normal for everyone else."

Remus glared at him.

"Feel better yet?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. "Or do you need me to insult him good and proper?"

"What are you talking about?"

Sirius shrugged. "If I insult him, you'll defend him. Maybe you'll remember why you're with him."

Remus smiled weakly. Trust Sirius to come up with the most twisted logic.

"Look. Wait and see what happens. Maybe he'll warm up to it. Personally, I would be shocked if he did want a baby all of his own accord. Maybe he thinks his own will be just like some of the brats he's had to teach over the years."

Slowly, Remus nodded. "I might have overreacted."

Sirius pushed him toward the door. "That's right. Now go and make sure Snape eats all of his porridge, or whatever it is you do when you're not whimpering like a fool in my office."

Remus allowed himself to be pushed into the hallway. "I'm sorry I made you late for class. If McGonagall comes down on you, just tell her it was all my fault."

"Right," Sirius said, looking at him incredulously. "And she'll believe that."

* * *

Severus put down the mirror, scowling.

Maybe he would have been better off not knowing what Lupin's odd behavior that morning had been about.

Why did Lupin always find something to complain about? Why was everything always a tragedy with him?

And why in bloody hell did he always run to Black?

* * *

Remus stepped into the prefect's bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face.

He looked terrible. The dark circles under his eyes were proof to anyone who cared to look that he hadn't slept. His hair was all out of place.

A few spells later, he didn't look much better.

Sirius was right. He did often overreact when it came to things he cared about.

Like the baby.

Like his husband.

No one really understood what it was like to live life knowing that at any moment, someone could take everything away from him. His home. His freedom.

His child.

He wasn't a fool. He knew the Ministry would never allow a werewolf to raise a child alone. There had been enough fuss simply over his marriage license.

Nothing he owned, and nothing he held dear, was ever really his. Even without Ministry regulations, life held no guarantees for anyone, and that always seemed to go double for him. He knew what it was like to have friends turn on him when it was politically convenient for them to do so. He knew what it was like to have a right one day, and lose it the next because another law was passed behind closed doors.

Snape didn't understand.

Even Sirius didn't.

Sometimes losing a dream hurt worse than losing something more concrete. Certainly losing his home, even with his mother's quilts and his father's books, hadn't hurt this much.

He hadn't merely wanted a baby. He had dreamed of a real family. Raising children and growing old together. Somehow, he had lost sight of that. He had been foolish, leaping at the chance to have a child without thinking of the consequences. He had convinced himself that everything would fall into place. Until he heard the unmistakable truth in Snape's voice...

Shaking his head, he turned away from the mirror.

He wouldn't allow Snape to grow to resent his decision to give Remus a child. He wouldn't allow him to resent the child.

If that meant keeping the child out of Snape's way... if that was what Snape wanted from him, then that's what he would have to do. Their relationship had to be salvaged before Snape could regret entering into it. Remus had to make it work for the sake of the baby he had caused to come into the world.

Their rooms were darkened when he came in, and instinctively Remus quieted his footsteps, in case Snape was resting.

The bedroom door was partially opened, and he crept up to it, peering in.

"You may as well come in. Where were you?"

"Went to give Sirius his essays."

Snape looked from Remus to the tall stack of essays on the table.

"The ones I had already finished," Remus said quickly. "I still have some left."

"Some? You would think the man is trying to set a record for the most essays assigned in one year. Not that I don't think he's right to do it. The more work they get, the less time they'll have to get into mischief." Pushing aside the duvet, Snape sat up and set aside the book he had been holding. "Have the house-elves brought lunch?"

"I think it's on the table," Remus said distractedly, his eyes on the book's cover.

"Well? Are you coming, or are you going to just stand there?"

Remus finally looked up, nodding. "I'll be right there. I want to... change my shirt."

Snape gave him an odd look, but after a moment disappeared into the other room.

Slowly, Remus approached the bed, reaching out to pick up the book.

'Care of Magical Children from Birth to Four.'

Another trick.

He opened it, and found the margins covered in Snape's distinctive script.

Far more than could be the work of one morning. There was hardly a clean page to be found.

"The food is getting cold," Snape called. "I suggest you hurry."

Remembering what he was supposed to be there for, Remus stripped off his shirt and found another in the wardrobe. "I'm coming."

Snape was tapping his fingers impatiently when Remus finally slid into his chair. "I had something to tell you this morning, but you seemed to be in a great hurry." He narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure delivering papers to the mutt was all you did? I would hate to think that you yourself cannot stand the confinement you have imposed on me, and need to sneak away in such a fashion."

"I stopped by the library, if you must know," Remus said, trying to hide his discomfort by taking a bite of pancake. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"The baby has turned."

Remus choked.

"Pomfrey confirmed it shortly after you left," Snape continued calmly. "As I'm sure you've read, this is the last stage, and the fetus must be removed before natural contractions begin. I have taken the final potion an hour ago, and expect the full result to be evident by nightfall."

"Are you --" Another fit of coughing interrupted him, and Remus took a gulp of water before he could continue. "Are you saying the baby is coming?"

Snape nodded, spearing a piece of sausage with his fork. "That's what I'm saying."

* * *

Severus watched without much interest as Pomfrey prepared her instruments and checked the large collection of potions and salves lined up on the table.

Lupin was sitting on the next bed, staring straight ahead with wide eyes. He might have been petrified, if not for the nervous twitching of his hands.

"Are you certain you would not like to attempt a natural birth?" Pomfrey asked, waving a vial of greenish liquid in front of him. "Most find it a fulfilling experience."

Severus glared at her. "I have no need for extra parts, no matter how temporary. Please get on with the birth as planned."

Looking slightly disappointed, the nurse handed him a steaming goblet. "Drink this slowly." Turning to Lupin, she snapped her fingers. "Remus. Be a dear and bring me the towels I left in the steam room."

Lupin stumbled to his feet and began walking -- weaving like a drunkard -- toward the door on the other end of the infirmary.

Pomfrey tsked and shook her head. "I had hoped he wouldn't fall apart on us. Finished with that?" She took the empty goblet from him, and handed him another. "Perhaps I should offer him a nice Valerian tea."

"Haven't you anything stronger?" Severus asked, smirking. "The man looks ready to faint."

"I'm not going to faint," Lupin said weakly, depositing the towels on the table. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Perfectly," Severus echoed with disgust. "Take a seat and stay there. I don't want Pomfrey fussing over you instead of doing her job properly. Or would you have me bleed to death on the table?"

Lupin turned pale, and collapsed into a chair.

"Severus..." Pomfrey chided, shaking her head.

"Do get on with it," Severus said, leaning back against the pillows. "I believe the potion has begun to work."

Lupin's eyes widened impossibly as Pomfrey spread a yellowish paste over Severus' exposed abdomen, then picked up a sharp crystal.

"Are you ready, Severus?"

"Go ahead. Do control yourself, Lupin. This can hardly be the most gruesome sight you've encountered in your life."

"W-would you like me to hold your hand?"

"Am I first year with a skinned knee?"

"Gentlemen, please."

Severus gave the nurse another impatient look, and after a long moment, she began her work.

"There may be some blood, despite the salve," she warned as she lowered the crystal to his skin and began to cut. "We will have you patched up in no time."

Severus rolled his eyes. Granted, the sight of the long gash opening up across his belly was disconcerting, but Pomfrey could hardly expect him to put up a fuss. He had planned himself, after all, how the pregnancy would end.

Shortly, he was glancing at the clock. Pomfrey was taking her time. They might be there all night, at the rate she was going. Or else the potion would wear off. He didn't have another dose.

"That should be it!" Pomfrey said, not holding back her excitement. "Remus, would you like to take the baby?"

Lupin's eyes nearly popped out of his head, and the chair he had been sitting on toppled backwards as he left it. "What should I do?"

"Take a towel. Fold it twice. Hold it carefully while I get the baby out."

"Don't drop it," Severus put in tersely.

Lupin looked affronted. "I won't drop --"

"It's a girl!"

Lupin wavered on his feet, though he steadied himself quickly as Pomfrey deposited a wet, pink mass onto the white towel. "A girl! Do you hear that Severus? A girl!"

"I heard," Severus said indifferently. "Is it too much to ask that I be stitched up now?"

"Would you like to cut the cord yourself?" Pomfrey asked, holding out the crystal to him.

Severus did, mostly to expedite the process.

"There, now. A few more minutes, and we'll be done."

Severus watched with disgust as the nurse removed the spent organs and afterbirth from his body, but kept one eye on Lupin, who was still staring like a fool at the contents of the voluminous towel in his hands.

Their daughter.

"Severus?"

Severus looked back at Pomfrey, realizing that she had been trying to get his attention. "What is it?"

"You should be all set to go in half an hour. The salve is working just as it should." Pomfrey smiled, looking over her shoulder at Lupin. "Would you like to hold her now? Remus, bring her over here."

Severus had time only for a shocked sputter before the baby was placed into his arms.

"Isn't she beautiful, Severus?" Lupin asked, kneeling down by the bed and staring in wonder at what Severus now held.

Severus took a cautious look at the bundle. What little he could see was blotchy pink and wrinkled. A small hand, more purple than any other color, stuck out. It was complete with tiny fingernails, and was clutching spasmodically at his thumb. "Beautiful," he repeated, stifling the urge to wrinkle his nose. "Take her, Remus."

Lupin looked up at him, frowning.

"My arms are tired," Severus said.

"Of course," Lupin said, taking the baby quickly and hugging it to his chest.

"Oh, look," Pomfrey said, pointing. "I think there's someone here to see you."

Severus needed only one glance. He turned to Lupin with a ready glare. "Remus, I --" Seeing the look on Lupin's face, his voice trailed off. He sighed. "Fine. Go show her to him."

Lupin looked at him, blinking in disbelief. "What?"

"Go. Before I change my mind and have him thrown out."

He watched as Lupin started across the room, looking back at him uncertainly every few steps.

"Rest now," Pomfrey said, drawing a thin blanket over him. "I will let you know when you are ready to go."

Severus ignored her. He was watching as Black bent over the bundle in Lupin's arms, and the tiny hand shot out to yank him by a loose strand of hair.

He permitted himself a thin smile.

* * *

"Cassandra."

"Third year. Picks her nose in class."

"Agnes."

"Agnes? Do you want our daughter teased to death?"

"Lucille."

"People will think I named her after Lucius."

"Morgana."

"Now you are being ridiculous."

"Fine then," Remus said, throwing down the scrap of parchment he had been reading from. "What would you like to name her?"

Snape thought for a long time before answering. "Helen. Miranda. Drucilla."

"Drucilla? Now who is being ridiculous?"

Snape sniffed irritably. "This is getting us nowhere. Perhaps we should look at the infant."

"Do you suppose she might have her name written on her forehead?"

"I don't. But a name might come to mind that fits her."

Shrugging, Remus went over to the cradle and picked up the small pink bundle. "Here she is. What does she look like to you?"

"Blotchy and wrinkled," Snape said. "Did Pomfrey say it wasn't a rash?"

"All newborns look like that," Remus said defensively, pulling the baby protectively to his chest. "She's perfectly normal." He paused, looking down at the sleeping infant. "Let's call her Joy."

"No."

"Cherish."

"Enough with your foolish sentimentality. A plain, sensible name is in order."

"Daphne."

"I don't like it."

"Charlotte."

"My aunt was Charlotte."

"Then that's perfect."

"She drowned herself in the family well."

"Oh."

Snape leaned over for another look, catching the infant just as she stretched her mouth wide in a yawn. "Finola."

"It means the last."

"And she will be. Or do you imagine I will go through this again?"

"She is first, even if she does turn out to be our only," Remus said stubbornly. "We can call her Hope."

"No."

"Kate. Is that plain enough?"

"I know what you want, Remus. And I will not name her after any member of the Potter family."

Remus scowled at him, but said nothing, though he wanted to set Snape straight -- Lily was a name reserved for a daughter of Harry Potter.

Snape rubbed his eyes tiredly. "It's past midnight. Must we do this tonight?"

"I want our daughter to have a name before she is a day old."

"That's an old superstition. Don't tell me you believe it."

"No... but there's no reason to put it off."

"There must be one name we can agree on. Sarah. Nora. Clarissa."

"Matilda."

"Matilda."

"Do you like it?"

Snape looked at the baby still sleeping peacefully in Remus' arms. "It will do."

"Matilda."

"Put her back in her cradle and come to bed," Snape said, standing.

Wordlessly, Remus carried the baby into the nursery, rocking her gently when she stirred.

He didn't want to put her down.

She was perfect. Tiny, bright-eyed, strong -- as Sirius had found out first hand -- and...

His.

"Coming?"

"Yes," Remus said, reluctantly placing the baby into the cradle and tucking the blanket around her.

He blew out the candles, then stopped in the doorway for one last look.

"She'll still be there in the morning," Snape said from the bed. "Come."

Remus reached down to snuff out the lamp, then climbed into bed. "She's perfect, Severus."

"Of course."

"Are you in much pain?" Remus asked, turning toward Snape.

"Why would I be?"

"You had your stomach cut open tonight."

"The incision healed hours ago."

Remus couldn't see him in the dark, but he moved closer, lowering his head onto Snape's shoulder. "I'm sorry I put you through this."

"What are you talking about now?"

"I know you didn't want her. You had her for me, and you can't know how grateful I am for that."

Snape shifted, settling more closely against him. "I made my choices. Why shouldn't I want a child with you?"

"Would you have made the same choice, if you knew I would marry you regardless?"

"An unfair question. You wouldn't have. That was your choice to make."

"Will you love her?"

There was a silence, and Remus waited, knowing that sometimes answers did not come easily. At least not truthful ones.

"Yes," Snape said finally. "I suppose I --"

A shrill wail interrupted him.

Remus sat up, blinking in the sudden light from Snape's lamp.

Snape was staring at the nursery doorway in grim disbelief. Then he glanced at the clock, and finally his reproachful eyes came to rest on Remus.

"I'll get her," Remus said quickly, pushing aside the duvet and getting out of bed.

The baby took the bottle he offered her, sucking greedily.

Remus could hear the clock ticking away the minutes in the next room. He couldn't hear Snape.

Satisfied at last, Matilda went limp in his arms, her breathing quickly becoming steady.

He could have held her all night, but there were words that had been left unspoken.

Carefully, he lowered her into the cradle, tucking her in once more.


End file.
